Expanding

...expanding the TOPIC, not me. Just to be clear.

I'm still processing a lot of what I wrote about last. I recently borrowed an exercise video from a friend, and believe it or not, have actually been following it pretty religously. For me to follow through on any sort of exercise regime for longer than a week is a pretty big victory and it's been a month! Good thing I have mexico to motivate me.

Anyway, yesterday was a day where Tyler refused to nap which means I wasn't able to find some quiet time to do my workout. I finally resigned myself to working out with Tyler next to me. Between him trying to grab my soup cans I was using as weights ever time they came near him and VERY quickly figuring out that I was busy and he could therefore get into things he's not supposed to without immediate repercussions, it was somewhat a failed attempt. My abs got half a workout and my living room got completely redecorated.

I think many of the people who wander across my blog are new(ish) moms and I'm sure you would all agree - the pressure to look good post baby is huge. Fitting into that pair of post pregnancy jeans is proclaimed over facebook triumphantly the MINUTE you can get the button done up...and then are taken off as soon as you let your breath out. I'm definitely realizing something though...not losing baby weight is NOT an indication of being a lazy mom. Like, not at all. I would say it's rather an indication of a busy mom. I run after Tyler all day. If he doesn't get a nap, I don't get my workout. I actually find myself getting frustrated if he doesnt' give me that me time because I gotta look good! STUUUPID. Sorry, but it is. My number one priority should be my son, not my son's nap time.

Now I'm not saying that I'm going to stop working out because I still think it's important. But if I don't have time one day because Tyler needs me to be with him while is busy not napping, I will gladly do that. I've read so many articles that are like "Moms! take time for yourself! Your kids can wait!" I don't think I want to think that way. Just like I want to live a life of moderation, I also want to live a life of balance. And if that means that I just don't get to work out one day or I regress in weight every now and then but yet my child is happy and fully loved, so be it. I'm still going to work at looking and feeling good, but not at the expense of time with my kids.

But. Truthfully most of this came out of my fingers without me knowing I thought these things. What do YOU think?

Choices

Just so you know, this is a fairly open and transparent post, and is written mostly for myself. Consider yourself warned.

Having a baby does funny things to both your body and your mind. My satisfaction with my physical appearance has become based on entirely different things post baby than it was before. Getting right into the honesty part of this post, I have always prided myself on having a flat stomach. Now that I've had a baby, I pride myself on having a stomach that doesn't hang down to my knees. I used to pride myself on having control over what I ate. I now am proud of myself if I only have ONE scoop of ice cream with rolo chocolate sauce on it. You get what I'm saying.
Now, I am actually quite proud of myself for the weight I've been able to bring myself back to after Tyler. I fit a size of jeans I've never fit before and I generally feel good. However, now that I'm done nursing and the 500 calorie loss every day is gone (just need to pause here for a moment to grieve that significant loss...)

...

and ALSO because we booked a trip to mexico in a few months, it's time to get back on that 'watch what I eat and what I do' regime.

But here's my qustion: Do I have to choose between loving pizza and loving myself?

I've decided not. I want to live my life in a way that I can enjoy everything about it. I want to sit down and feel completely guilt free while I eat homemade pizza (made by my culinarily inspired husband, CAN you believe it). I dont' want to look back on life and miss out on the bliss of enjoying good food and say "well, at least I'm skinny". Yahoo. Skinny and HUNGRY.

That being said, I also want to take care of myself. I want to excersize three times a week. I want to take advantage of my personal trainer sister in law. I want to be in shape and feel great. I want to live a life of moderation. I want to be like my mom and have my kids come home at the end of the day knowing that they are going to be provided healthy meals every night, and also indulge in huge fresh cinnamon buns every now and then. I want to go for walks on every single nice day, and probably eat an ice cream cone while walking.

This is no New Years resolution, but rather a lifestyle promise. I will love both pizza and myself. I will bring my children up to the best of my ability to also love themselves and appreciate the goodness of life. I will learn to make asaparagus taste good, and I will learn to bake a killer apple pie.

Yep, that sounds good.

Do what you love and love what you do.

My job. Oh, how I love my job. I did not know it was possible to love working as much as I do. Yesterday I sat on the floor in front of a filing cabinet writing out file lables for the 2011 finanical year and felt a deep sense of satisfaction and fulfillment. Not because of the file folders or the finances or any of that...but I just have the wonderful feeling of knowing that I am exatly where I'm supposed to be. The jobs I've had in the past have contributed so much to what I need to know for this one, and I LOVE the fact that while there is still a learning curve, I feel equipped to handle it.

I visit with camper's parents on the phone about issues and hear about how their kids can't wait to come to camp. I get to brainstorm camp ideas with the other people in my office and hear about ministry ideas all day long. I get to keep track of camper registration and watch with satisfaction as our camps fill up and think forward to our summers where kids' lives will be changed forever. I get to hear the passion in the voices of those in leadership and those applying to serve.

I love my job.

Being in camp ministry for so many years, I was always on the front end of ministry as a counsellor. Now I get to take on a new roll and work behind the scenes and watch and participate from a new perspective. It is SO good. Oh camp ministry, how I have missed you.