House Sneek Peek

Ok so my house is in NO condition to be taking pictures of, but here's a little taste of what the kitchen looks like...

Home Again

Aaaaaaaaaand we're IN! Phew!!

I really did not think this would every finally happen, and I REALLY did not think I would be as happy with our house as I am. The thing about building your own home is that you are responsible for everything. Every space that is a funny size, every drawer in the wrong place - you have no one to blame but yourself. So...moving into our house terrified me a little. I'm very good at pointing out flaws and blaming others...but to constantly have to admit my own? Dang. Lesson in humility and powerlessness.

I wasn't sure how Tyler would react to the move but he's been a rock star. The first morning he woke up and ran around the house proclaiming "New house! New House!". He sleeps longer than he has in months and he seems to be thrilled to be here. That makes my heart rest easy.

I also feel like a rock star in this house. It is HUGE. Like...so much space I don't know what to do with. Ok, Ok, and so much space that could easily be filled if I just got around to putting things away. I really have been trying but I'm just so ready to get on with LIVING here that it's hard to concentrate on putting things away so we can get to that point. It'll happen.

We are so blessed. The Christmas tree is up and we're in our house for Christmas - even for the BEFORE of Christmas, which makes up much of my favorite parts of the season. We dont' have mirrros, no shower door in our room, and are still missing a few cabinet doors, but this place is home. mmmmmmm that feels good to say.

In excelsis grocery store

Tyler LOVES Christmas carols. Like...his days revolve around them. He has always loved music, but there is something about carols that he's loving like nothing else. One of his favorite things to do these days is snuggle in on my shoulder and ask me to sing. Not when he's sleepy, not when he's grumpy, but like in the middle of running around and playing he'll ask to come snuggle and have me sing. And he'll sit totally still for sometimes 20 minutes or more while I sing every christmas carol I'm allowed. I say allowed because if I start singing a song he doesn't approve of he says "UMMM..." which means "umm, let's pick a different song". Favorite songs are:
"Pa Pum" (little drummer boy)
"Dee-yo" (Angels we have heard on high...you know...in excelsis deeeeyo)
and Jingle bells, which he has no idea how to ask for, but if he looks at you and intentionally mumbles something unintelligible, you know the request is for Jingle Bells.

The other day we were in the grocery store and as we rolled down the aisle he started requesting "Deeyo? deeyo?" So we sang gloria all the way through the store. I had a few little smiles and a few head turns, but my boy was happy and chiming in with "gooooooooo deeeyo" and it was worth it. Nothing like looking at the season through the eyes of a child, proclaiming the Savior's birth in all corners!

Better late than never

Just realized that I didn't ever do the blog post I was intending to do months ago...about the day I ran 5 K!

I did mention that I started running, though. Did any of you actually believe me that I'd complete my goals? I know I wasn't so sure. As I said before, I started running while we were living at camp. My friend and I trained every other day (ok...for the MOST part) and on some painfully long gravel hills. All of which were uphill. I continued my training once we moved in with Mitch's parents and his mom and I would sometimes go for runs together. I was pretty sure I had been running 5k already until one day I looked at my routes and realized I had only been doing about 4.2. Killer! I thought I was doing SO well and it turned out that I hit my exhaustion point long before I was supposed to finish. The other problem was that I didn't realize this until the week before the run.

The run I trained for was the children's hospital fundraising efforts. I heard about it in the summer and after experiencing first hand how hard it is to not have proper facilities in your home town, I felt it was extremely important to support the cause however I could. I also really felt like doing this run was for Tyler. I know it didn't directly benefit him at all, but as I pushed myself as I ran each time I remembered how much pain he had gone through and I knew that I could push myself to do this run for him. Maybe that doesn't make sense to anyone but me...but that's ok. It doesn't have to.

The run was supposed to start at 7 (um...I think? or 8? I don't remember now). It was at the end of September, so you'd think the temperature would be mild. Yeah...except when it decides to be heat stroke season and we were above 20 by 7ish. It was SO hot. I was nervous like crazy because I'd never actually finished five full kilometers before. Aside from me, Mitch, his sister, his parents, and our friends Jeff and Jen ran with us. They are all more seasoned runners and went ahead of me pretty quickly. It was...the longest 41 minutes of my life, but I ran the full five. Yep, ran the whole thing. Pride intended.

I still think back and can't quite believe I did it. Mostly because I haven't run a step since that race. Found out the week later that I was pregnant and my body warns to kill me if I even think of running, so I'll hang up my shoes until later. But I did. Mitch had finished long before me and came back to run the last leg with me. I looked up and saw Tyler waiting for me at the finish line and bawled the whole last 5 minutes. It may have looked like it was from sheer exhaustion, but it really was just out of thankfulness that I have my little boy around to run for, with, around, and beside.

Holidays or Christmas?

Since I'm not in my own home, Mitch has been saved from our yearly conversation that usually starts...oh about the second week of November: "Um...can we put up the Christmas tree yet?" (It works in his favor that I feel so strongly about this being a family event that it does not go up without his consent and participation).

Since I have no place to put a tree, no functional railing to place a garland, and no cupboards to top with christmas-y things, I find myself just spending time contemplating the holidays (and PICTURING where everything will go, of course).

Here's what I'm finding thought provoking as the Christmas season is just around the corner (and in many places already beginning to sparkle):
I hear many comments through people I know, don't know, facebook, etc about how SAD it is this time of year. How FRUSTRATING it is that Christmas has become about shopping. How RIDICULOUS it is that non believers have no idea what they're celebrating. Yes, yes, and yes, I do agree that Christmas is not about commercialism, that it's so sad that not everyone recognizes the gift of our Savior's birth, and that our society tends to do this holiday fairly over the top.

However.

Is it worth getting this frustrated over? Do we want to spend the majority of this season worrying about what others are spending, how others are not giving credit, and how others are not appreciating the true meaning? I don't know. I don't think I can say yes or no just yet.

What I do think is that we need to be careful to check our attitudes as we look forward to celebrating one of the most special times of the year. I have decided that I'm going to appreciate the glitz and glamour of early Christmas decorating. They are reminding me already in November that Jesus came! Get ready to celebrate. I am going to buy my family gifts because it reminds me that God sent us the greatest gift of all, and also because I love showing love and appreciation to my family this time of year. I am going to sing Joy to the World and proclaim that truth, and I am also going to teach my son Jingle Bells because we can be thankful for the joy and fun that can be brought by this winter season of snow and wonder. I am going to enjoy all of the traditions created to remember Christ's birth, and I am also going to participate in some that were created by those who haven't yet heard the good news but still understand in some way that there is significance this season. I'm not going to waste my time tsking as I drive by packed shopping malls because it just isn't worth it.

Ok, strongly worded rant. Thoughts?

Mum's the word

So...the best way to keep a secret is just not to talk at all! Seriously I've been wanting to blog for SO long, but wasn't ready to say until now that we're PREGNANT!

Baby #2 is due June 7th and I'm beside myself with excitement. I have loved being a mom to Tyler every minute of every day and I can't wait to begin fresh with a new little one.

Pregnancy so far has been pretty good, all things considered. I have to say, spending the first two months of pregnancy living with the inlaws has been so perfect. Think about it: My wonderful mother in law cooks the majority of the meals, there is always someone to watch Tyler if (when) I need a nap, and it's just so much less stress. I have had a little nausea, but nothing significant and it's pretty much done. It's been an almost identical pregnancy to Tyler so far, which is good because his was easy!

We are almost finished the house and it looks like our goal of Dec 1 just might be attainable! Mitch has worked tirelessly every single night of the week to get things done and while I miss having him around, I know that this final push means that we will soon be in our house and have our evenings back...and just in time for the Christmas season. I can't wait.

So close

So we are in week five of living with my inlaws. We have settled in here as much as one can settle outside of your own home and we're anxiously waiting the finish of our own house. We are hoping to be done by the end of November (only two months past our original hopeful finish date) and now that we're so close I just want to get in!

I truthfully don't have much else to say. We're in limbo and my brain kind of feels like it is too. Just felt like I should update so my blog doesn't collect too much dust.

shake shake shake

I feel a little bit like someone has taken the box that holds my life, turned it upside down, and started shaking. Pieces are falling out everywhere and I'm holding on by elbows and toes, grabbing things are they fall past me, trying to make sure I don't miss anything important. Our old house is in boxes and semi-moved out, our new house is about a month away from being finished, and we are going to try to live in a state of limbo for this time period with everything packed away somewhere. Still not sure how this is going to all work out...but it will.

We are also transitioning at camp this week, and are in the process of moving our offices from the camp back to our city office. I pack on my days off and then pack while I'm at work. If you ever need help moving, I've got tons of experience. Um...but no will power. On second thought, don't ask me.

I haven't seen much evidence of all this craziness affecting Tyler until today - where I took some of his less used toys and put them in a box and he proceeded to panic. Like..."what? wait. give me that. i've played with that before! i love this one. um, and also that one. you can't take this! or that! ahhhh!"

After we survived that box, he decided to join ranks and pack a whole box full of our shoes. And then throw the rest of his remaining toys down the stairs to the basement. Yes...I suspect he is processing in his own little way. He remains a trooper though and now just plays hide and seek around boxes and mess, and helpfully puts little bits of paper and tupperware lids in the garbage for me. (We are still working on what is and is NOT garbage...)

Everything is good right now...just...unsettled. I can't wait until October (Lord willing) when we can move into our beautiful new home and re-settle. It's been a long 6 months of building, attempting to sell, work, and now moving. I'm exhausted.

Sentimental

We're moving out of our house in 9 days and it certainly has me feeling a bit sentimental! This was our first (owned) house. We laughed in that kitchen with friends over games and cups of coffee late into the night. We sat in this living room and talked for hours after we found out we were pregnant. We sat on that deck and watched lighting storms and marveled at God's power and beauty. We brought Tyler home to that nursery and rocked him to sleep many nights. We wore pathways through this hallway while trying to ease his pain after surgery. We watched our growing boy throw those rocks that line the driveway outside. That's the floor that Tyler learned to walk on, and that's the window that he sits patiently by to see the first glimpse of daddy coming home after work.

We lived in a house after we were married while we went to school, spent a year working and living in a city apartment and learned much about life, love, and marriage...but this house is different than the others. We brought our son home to this place. What a wonderful place to start a family.

Looking forward to new memories.

Ankles, hips, knees, thighs

...all hurt. BUT. I have started running! I didn't want to write about it until I had actually committed for more than a few runs because my track record with starting things like this is terrible, but I feel like it's time to fess up. Oh, how I am loving to run!

It started this summer when I heard about a fundraising run for the children's hospital which is scheduled to be built here. We've definitely experienced the frustration of having to go to a whole different province to obtain proper child medical care and I feel very strongly about supporting the future children's hospital here. We moved out to camp shortly after I heard about this and so me and my friend who was also living out there decided to murder our bodies get up early and run the gravel road full of hills and dead snakes every other morning (or so...).

The first day I wanted to die. I did exactly what they tell you not to do on your first attempt at running: I ran until I couldn't run anymore. Which was about 1.5 min, but still. It was up a hill, ok? I couldn't recover and thought I would pass out. However I had purchased running shoes and promised the bold promise to my husband that it would NOT be a waste of money, so I dragged myself out of bed two days later and tried again. This time we brought along my sister in law who happens to be a personal trainer. She gave me a good routine to follow and I ended the run feeling fantastic (once I recovered from not being able to breathe, that is).

Yesterday I ran for almost 4k straight without stopping. I know it's not much, but it felt amazing. I am not really a physical activity kind of person. My body seems to be put together wrong for any sort of hard usage, so this is a bit of a push for me. Admittedly I have to ice my ankle every time I come back from a run and it takes a day or two to stop limping, but it's getting better and I feel so. good. It helps that every time I feel like giving up I remember what I'm training for.

I've heard from other people who run how addicting it can be but I didn't believe them until now. I mean, we'll see just how addicted I am when the snow falls and I don't feel like running on ice, but until then I will keep enjoying these beautiful post summer/pre fall evenings running in the evenings through the wonderful little paths in our town.

Winding Down

I have no idea how to mentally debrief this summer. It was...close to the perfect summer. I had no idea how living out at camp would go, but it turned out so much better than I could have hoped for. Mitch commuted an hour there and back every day which was a little much, but other than that it was awesome. Tyler played in the huge sandbox for 5-6 hours a day, took his daily swim in the pool, napped and slept amazingly, and had people loving him everywhere he went.
I had pretty much a dream job as a parent since though I was working full time in August, I got to wake up with Tyler, feed him breakfast, see him through all of lunch, and put him down and pick him up for his naps. While I was working he was being watched by various family who came out for the weeks I was working. He has been one happy kid!

Ok super cheeseball thought...but do you ever have the feeling that if you speak too much about something, the magic will disappear? That's sort of how I feel about blogging about our summer. I could never properly put into words what a wonderful time it was so I can't even try. My wonderful friend took some amazing pictures of this summer that I'll post later and let them speak for themselves.

This week I have off, which is a great way for Tyler and I to re enter being at home. We're back to full swing with house stuff and have a goal of being in by October 1, which is crazy and probably wont' happen...but hey. Why not set big goals?

Summer Lovin

It hit me this week. I'm working at camp. I know it's been almost 8 months since I started, but now that we are living out there during the week it really hit me...I'm working at camp. I'm back in camp ministry. Oh, praise the Lord, my heart is full. I told Mitch when we first got married that I would pray often that God would lead us back into camp ministry. He was slightly apprehensive about these prayers as camp has never really been his thing. However, Mitch has been incredibly supportive and excited along with me as we've made the decision to live out at camp for August. Aside from my own heart, the only affirmation I need to know that we've made the right decision is to watch Tyler. He is beside himself at camp. I don't actually think I've ever seen him this happy. He plays hard and then sleeps hard. Nap times have become 3 hours long and the easiest ever to attempt. He sleeps until almost 8 in the morning most days and greets me with grins and bounces because he knows that he's about to start another day at camp. So so good.

We are happy and blessed. I can't wait to see what these next few weeks bring. Remembering this week that God is faithful.

My boy

Something I've thought about lots when I consider what to write in this blog is what to write about. Ha, ok that is a "duh" sentence if I've ever heard one, but let me explain. I think it's important when you have kids to remember yourself. I don't know if I can fully expand on this, but I'll try...

I think in order to give my kids the best parenting possible, it's important to give them the best of me. Remembering my dreams and passions, and indulging in what I enjoy every now and then. I do not mean doing these things at the expense of my son, but instead in the times that allow so that I can continue to grow personally and offer the best of myself back. Does that make sense?

That being said, I'm not always sure what to blog about...do I write updates about Tyler every week? Do I keep him out of it and maintain this as "my" space? I really don't think either one of those options are wrong...but I've decided that when I write here, it's more of a place for me to process and write my thoughts.

Does what I'm trying to tie together make any sense? Anyway, I digress...

What I really do want to do today is reflect on Tyler. He is...the best part of my day. Every day. He mimics everything these days. I am constantly surprised by which of my actions he picks up on and attempts to replicate - for example, trying to put toothpaste on a toothbrush. Or the other day when he grabbed Mitch's lunch bag and his keys, dragged them both to the front door, and waved goodbye to us as if he was going to work. He gives me kisses almost every time I ask for them, and even sometimes when I don't. And he has turned into a snuggler! I can't express how happy this makes me. When it's nap time or bed time I will pick him up and he wraps his little arms around my neck and puts his head on my shoulders. Pure bliss.

He points at absolutely everything and asks "DAT?!", and will ask this over and over again as we attempt to name everything he points at. He is working hard at matching my determined side and is becoming quite the finicky eater. He will pick up whatever he doesn't want, look me square in the eye, hold the food hostage over the side of his high chair, aaaand....drop. So intentional and SO irritating. In a cute way.

His favorite way of playing is to be chased and will giggle incessantly as we run around the house. He always wants to get caught though and will often run right at me, waiting to be tickled. He has developed such a special bond with our family members, and each one is different and significant in their own ways. He kisses my computer screen over and over when he sees his Auntie Jeana via skype. He growls "papa" as the name for both of his grandpas, and throws a temper tantrum if we try to take him away from his uncles (who he refers to as ca-ca). From the moment he gets up in the morning to when we go to bed he asks over and over for doo-wamma (grandmas) and always wants to look out the window just in case they might be coming over to play. He runs to his Auntie Holly when he sees her and refuses to let go. He has so many wonderful people in his life who love him.

I just could not have imagined myself happier than I am now as a mother. Tyler blesses me daily by his sweetness. Praise the Lord for his goodness and faithfulness, and for knowing the desires of our hearts.

Spinning Positive

Haven't said much about the house lately...mostly because I really don't even know where to start. If you ever build, I will give you one piece of advice: get. a. good. draftsperson. We did not, and have been dealing with consequences on a daily basis. This whole process has been a rollercoaster of stress and excitement. Thankfully our framing is almost finished which means that most of our structural stress will be over and we can now just work on finishing the interior. I look forward to the day I stop hearing "Who did these plans? Are you sure they knew what they were doing?".

We walked through the house again last night and I am starting to get SO excited about the potential. We have craaaaazy high ceilings (which we didn't mean to, but it's never a bad thing!) so the house feels huge-er than it already is. We ended up with a very large entry way (which we also didn't mean to) and will have really wide stairs going up and down (building a bi level). While this is somewhat of a waste of space, it will really make the entry way look nice. I'm so excited about my kitchen I can hardly stand it. I look at our cabinet drawings almost every single day.

I love thinking about the potential and the future of this house. I love looking at it knowing that, Lord willing, this is where we will raise our kids. The park across the street is where they'll play and skin their knees and learn how to ride bikes. I love knowing that good friends are close enough to walk over to when I need a cup of sugar or a cup of coffee. I love knowing that at the end of this, our hard work WILL pay off and we will have a beautiful home.

On a slightly different, but very related topic, something that has changed our lives significantly is Mitch's job. Wow. The value of having a husband who love his job is indescribable. He comes home happy almost every day, and it's so cool watching him become empowered and able to accomplish things he never thought he could. It's been pretty awesome timing having him start apprenticing as an electrician as we're building our house because he is learning tons about building processes and coming home with tips and ideas all the time. I honestly think that this job factor is part of the reason we've been surviving our house endeavor. I watch my husband grow in confidence and assurance and is become a man who is handier than I ever dreamed. He feels capable of attempting tasks he wouldn't have before, and has an "I could totally figure this out" attitude. While he did have some of this before, this new job has encouraged him to step out in so many more ways. Praise God for a place that makes my husband happy.

Sign my waiver?

So my sister blogged the other day about how it would be such a good idea to have someone sign a waiver before travelling with her. This way there would be no surprises, you could avoid conflict, and have a signature to promise that this they'll stick with you. It may be said in jest, but I love it!

It got me to thinking...if I had a waiver form that had to be signed in order to become one of my good friends, it would probably say something like this:

"I, ________, being of sound mind, though not required to be so, especially since Josie is not always as such, do agree to friendship under the following terms:
I will answer my phone as many times as she calls, and happily answer the same question she just asked me half an hour ago and has forgotten the answer to. I will overlook the messy house, believing in good faith that the kitchen may be a disaster, but the cookies baking will taste great. I will eat her cooking confidently, knowing that she would never have put that sticky tack in the soup on purpose and will never do it again. I will encourage her in what she is passionate about, even though this may seem to be every single little small thing at any given time. I will be okay with it when she changes her mind up to six times in one day, though anything over and above that number can be either laughed at or challenged. I will hold her accountable to unnecessary stress and remind her to be nice. I will let her son marry my daughter if I have one I will love her children.

I think that about covers it! What would your waiver say?

July Long

Possibly my favorite tradition of all time is our July long weekend tradition of going up with our good friends to their cabin on the lake. We go up there for other weekends as well, but there's something special about our July long trip. As Dom and I carried our boys to the boat on Saturday I couldn't help thinking back to our previous trips and how things have changed. Our first year was completely childless. Our second year I was barely pregnant and told our friends our news that very weekend. The third year Dom and Jen were both pregnant and I had a baby with me. This year, Tyler has a buddy to play with at the lake. We have two mobile boys that we get to share this experience with and it is SO much fun.

A thought went through my mind fleetingly as we drove up to the cabin this year that I was slightly worried about now that we have kids, it might not be as much fun up there. What a lame thing for me to think...it just gets better with kids. Watching Tyler experience the lake, the boat, the bugs, the sand...so cool. Just for fun, here's a look back at the last 4 years and how things have changed.

2008:


2009:


2010:



2011:

Decorator blog fail

I am not a home decorator. I actually would classify myself as the opposite: a home clutterer. I have very little concept of what looks good where, what matches, or what "works". Thankfully I married into a family where both my mother in law and sister in law are excellent decorators and have somewhat done my house for me.

Moving into a new house and designing the whole thing from scratch scaaaaares me. Don't get be wrong, I fully recognize how blessed I am to even have this opportunity. It's incredibly exciting to start with a blank slate and make our home our own. But...what if I make it ugly? I am legitimately afraid.

SO. I am enlisting your help, whoever "you" is. The following are some ideas we're going with. I would welcome ideas, opinions, pictures seen in magazines, etc. This is the exact opposite of those fun design blogs where you get all kinds of inspiring ideas. Now you have to give them :)

First of all, the kitchen. The shelving built into the counter is a concept we're working with. The shelving will face the living room and be divided into three sections: bookshelves on either end with a cupboard in the middle. Opinion question #1: Go with a white (or contrasting color) as in the picture, or stick to the same color as the cabinets?



Since the floorplan of our home is pretty open, I'm thinking of doing dark cabinets...possibly this color. Question #2 In your opinion, do you prefer dark flooring with dark cabinets, or light flooring? Here are two pictures of dark cabinets, one with each option:



Question #3: Are there any unconventional places you would suggest having an outlet? It was suggested to me to put at least one on top of my cabinets so that I can plug in christmas lights which I think is an awesome idea. Any others?

Those are just a few of the decisions I'm thinking about. I know that this is a matter of personal taste, but I'd still love to know what YOU would do.

Show a little love

I've spoken a few times on here about one of the pastors in our church and how much I enjoy his sermons. They are thought provoking, challenging, and theologically "full". This has been another one of those weeks where I've been thinking about a particular sermon since I heard it this past Sunday.

He spoke on love, both between spouses and also between us and Jesus. He discussed how a marriage in the first few months looks much different than a marriage after 10 years. There is often less passion, less "butterflies", but still a solid level of commitment and stability (hopefully, anyway). He brought forth this scenario: what if, after 10 years of marriage, your spouse walked in the door and said to you "I need to let you know that I'm not in love with you anymore. I'm not saying that anything will change though! I will still come home to this house every day. I will care for our children, provide for the family, and sit down to supper with you. I just...don't love you."

Ok...devastating, right? But. How many of us treat our Father the same way? We forget to maintain the passion of our relationship. We read our bible, attend church, sing songs of worship, tithe...but we don't actively love.

Just as we need to explore love languages in our marriages, we also need to explore those in our relationship with God. If you feel most close to God when you step outside into his creation, get outside!! If you draw near to him by worshiping through music, sing! Find ways to connect with Jesus in ways that you are most passionate about.

This challenge has affected me in a few ways. First of all, it makes me so incredibly thankful for my job at camp. I feel renewed passion for Christ every time I step onto camp grounds. We meet for staff meetings in the mornings and I am immediately renewed. I get to explore my passion at my workplace and this is such a blessing. I am also trying to be more aware of how I show love to my spouse. Often how we attempt to show love is not the same as how love is perceived. I need to remember to speak his love languages.

Anyway...just my thoughts of the week. You don't have you answer this on here, but think about it this week...how do you express your love and passion to Jesus?

Blessed

Time for a list...just to remind myself of the goodness of life:

My family. I watch my husband and wonder daily how I got so lucky. Not only is he exceedingly good looking, strong, and handy, but he also loves me unconditionally. He puts up with my severe mood swings, lets me buy multiple pairs of shoes, and buys me my favorite boards games, knowing full well that he will actually have to play them with me (board games are not his favorite things...haha)

I hold my baby boy and just sigh in contentment. Oh wait...rephrase. I hold my toddler. My little man. My ever growing, changing, wonderful little boy. He gives me kisses, holds tight to my finger while running through sprinklers, and laughs every single time I pop around the corner to "surprise" him. It's so nice to have someone who always thinks I'm funny.

My job. It's been 6 months now and I am still loving it. We are working out at camp now andw it is so. good. I get to go to camp and get paid for it! SO good! The staff there right now is awesome and I love the people I work with. And I get to go horseback riding. Can you do that at YOUR job?

BBQing. I don't do it MYSELF, but I do love it when Mitch does. Just thought it deserved mention.

Ok so this is not a new list...I mention these same things every time I make a list of thankfulness. At least PART of my life is consistant! :)

Just me?

Do you ever have the distinct fear that the more people get to know you, the less they will like what they see? That the more you open yourself up, the more ridiculous you look? That the passion that you show looks like foolery?

Just wondering.

Perspective

Time flies as my child tries
And bruises bear witness
To gravity.
Hearts beat strong
-Though for how long?
Breathe my prayers to carry.
Fingers holding, feet flying
Tears not as abundant
As laughter.
Time flies, and hard as I try,
A baby gives way
To a toddler.
Sun shines like big blue eyes,
And I’ll follow him...
-Long as he’ll let me.
Love bears weight,
And being heavily blessed,
Will remember to whom we give glory.

Tyler

...is apparently not napping.

But anyway.

What I have found interesting about working part time is the intensity I feel about spending quality time with my boy. My schedule right now is I work 2 days a week and then 3 days a week, alternating. This is my '2 days a week' week and I just love it. I love taking my time with Tyler instead of rushing to love him in as many ways as possible as quickly as possible before rushing out the door in the morning. I read books to him slowly. I sit with him on the floor while he runs around me and shows me things. I laugh with him while he's in his high chair making animal noises. I love taking my time.

Tyler has personality like crazy. He is constantly pushing boundaries and limits, though not ever maliciously or in a bad space. It's more an exploration of his world and what would happen if he did....this. Or this! Or...uh oh. I'm in trouble again. He is not really a soft and snuggly boy, yet at bedtimes will wrap his arms around my neck, put his head on my shoulders, and hum. He is fiercely independent and doesn't often want to hold my finger as he walks anymore. His first choice is to pull everything out of my dishwasher, but will settle for closing it on me instead. He loves books and will sit still as long as I will read to him. He is constantly running up to me with another book to be read to him. He LOVES his dad. He has quite a good sense of what time it is and in the late afternoon starts to get antsy and hangs around by our front window a lot so he can see his dad pull up the driveway. He talks and babbles and tries to repeat everything I say. I tell him 40 times a day that he's the smartest person I know. He runs with reckless abandon and falls hard and often. He says hi to every single stranger who walks by and won't stop saying hi until they say it back. He gives wonderful open mouth slobbery kisses, but never to the person holding him.

Oh, how I love my son.

Just a reminder...

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

-Philippians 4:4-7

Muffin Success

I love cooking, and I especially love making recipes my own. Pretty sure I've already said that before on here so I won't expand. Here is my latest modification:
Raspberry whole wheat muffins.

mmmmmm.

So I took the standard blueberry muffin recipe and made some changes and here's what I came up with:

1 3/4 c. Whole wheat flour
1/4c white sugar (though the next time I might try with some brown instead)
2 1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
Dash of cinnamon (ok you could probably say dump rather than dash for me, but put in what you want)

1 egg, well beaten
1/3 c apple sauce (here's where I'm not sure what do to...it calls for 1/3 oil but applesauce is a great and healthy substitute. However judging by how they turned out a little dry this time around, I'll go half oil, half apple sauce next time).
3/4 c milk

1 cup rasberries (or 2 cups...I put LOTS in)

Mix dry ingredients, make a well and add liquid ingredients, though only gently mix. Add raspberries, give it a good stir or two, and put the batter in your muffin cups. Bake at 400f for 25 min.

I love baking something healthy that both Tyler and I can enjoy and he loved these.

Followthrough

I love seeing evidence of my prayers being answered. Today was the continuation of one of those days. One of the downsides to Mitch changing jobs is that he no longer is able to spend Tuesdays at home with Tyler. We have been thinking and praying about who was going to be able to care for Tyler and just couldn't figure anything out. All of our babysitting resources are already used up and our friends all have babies of their own.

A few weeks ago we had some friends over for supper who we've known for a long time. Kelsey has visited with Tyler a few times and he's always responded SO well to her. That evening after they had gone home I was thinking about our childcare dilemma again and Mitch asked "well, why not ask Kelsey?" Duhh...I hadn't even thought of that, but it made perfect sense. I wasn't sure how she would respond, but it never hurts to ask. Her response blessed me more than I could say.

I phoned her and asked her if she would be willing to care for Tyler one day every other week. She responded with "Oh! I would LOVE to! I have actually been thinking that I would love to babysit Tyler would didn't think I would get to because of how much family you have around". Oh, my heart. To hear that someone is excited about looking after your child and has actually wanted to do it is such a wonderful thing. Today was their first day together and it went SO well. I haven't left Tyler with many people other than family so I admit I was a little apprehensive, but the day was a smashing success.

We all see the wonderful things about our own children, but to have someone else acknowledge them as well is so special. We are blessed.

Progress

So yesterday I had phone calls saying things like this:

"Have you ordered your windows already? yes? Well do you think it's too late to change them? Well because I just realized they wont' fit."

and

"So we're going to have to change the height of your basement...which means your framing package you've already had quoted is going to be wrong now."

and

"Well we didn't realize the angle of your lot was so severe so the way the house has to sit now, your backyard is only going to be 20 feet deep."

...those are only portions of several conversations I had yesterday. It was...a bad day. However! I did not freak out. (Except the part where I maybe raised my voice a little bit for a little while at my drafts person). I did not cry (except when Tyler's teeth somehow rammed into my lip and for some reason caused me to shed a few tears for a very long time). I did not tell myself that our life is over and this house will never get built and I will have to declare bankruptcy (...well okay except for when I did exactly that).

So what I'm saying is...at least I'm self aware?

It looks like everything got worked out yesterday and it's also looking like our drafts person (who is also a contractor) is willing to do some work on our house for free to help us offset the costs of all the mistakes they have made. Silver lining to a very stormy cloud.

On Faithfulness

Our life is fullllll. In the past 3 weeks we have done the following:
Gone to Mexico
Listed our house for sale
Made the decision for Mitch to change jobs.

And that's just the last few weeks, not to mention house building excitement, job at camp ramping up for summer, and our always busy boy.

Mitch changing jobs is both exciting and uncertain. He has been sought out by an electrical company who has heard great things about his work ethic and is starting his long journey of becoming a journeyman electrician. This means a pay cut, an increase in hours, and it also means that Mitch starts at the bottom of the occupational food chain which is never easy. It will be extremely rewarding in the long run, but has required a leap of faith on our end to step out and accept this opportunity.

I was talking to a friend of ours about this the other day and also mentioned that we're feeling pretty stressed about selling our house for the amount of money we'll need to survive the costs of building a new house, and then taking a pay cut on top of that. Things are going to be pretty stretched and I'm nervous. Our friend told me this: I need to stop questioning God's faithfulness. We are able to do everything are doing now because of His faithfulness. He has brought us this far and would not have done so to let us fall now. Don't hear any prosperity gospel crap here...I'm not saying that faithfulness = financial providence. I'm saying that we need to remember that God is in control and whether our plans come to fruition or they don't, God has put us here for a reason and will not abandon us.

So we'll just keep walking forward, praying for guidance, giving praises of thanks for opportunities, and requesting wisdom with every step.

What it looks like

So we have gone to pick up Mitch's parents a few times from their trips to Mexico. I remember seeing the entire flight of people coming through the arrival gates looking tanned, sun bleached, and in unbelievably good moods for just having come off of a 6+ hour flight. I remember wondering what magical place they had just been to, which seas they had dipped their feet into, and what the beaches smelled like. I stared at them in jealousy and wondered what it would feel like to go to a place like that.

Well...

it feels like this:


and this:




and this:




We spent an amazing 7 days in the Mayan Riviera which I will never forget. The beaches were divine, the sun shone bright every day, and the fresh salsa did not disappoint.

Now back to reality...

when...

You know you've been doing a lot of house budgeting in Excel when...

I was trying to decide which necklaces to buy from a website I like and the thought crossed my mind "I should make a list in Excel. I bet that would help".

Stressed but blessed

"Jos, I can't talk you down from the ledge every single day of this process" is what my husband said to me the other night as I was stressing out of my mind over yet more building issues. Point taken. I aim to be cool, calm, and collected until the house is done. Everyone who knows me knows that this is completely and entirely realistic.

ahem.

We are in a whirlwind of activity right now. We are getting our house ready for sale, which means keeping it clean at all times. Everyone who knows me knows that this is completely and entirely realistic. I'm trying so hard not to stress about the sale, knowing that we just have to give this one over to God. We have also been given a pretty huge opportunity recently that we have to decide if we're going to take. I can't say details right now, but it would be a pretty major life change. Life feels so up in the air right now that I keep glancing warily upwards in case it all falls on top of me. We are moving forward hanging onto phrases like "I hope", "probably", and "maybe this will work out". At least they're all positive, right?

Oh, life. Thanks for never being boring.

Pardon the memories

One year ago today I woke up from having maybe 3 hours of sleep all night, uncurled my stiff self from the cot on the hospital floor, and comforted my sad hungry boy all covered in wires because he wasn't able to nurse before his surgery. I handed my son over to surgical hands promising to be capable to fix what I could not. I watched them carry him into the first of two surgeries to mend his heart. I sat in a fog in the waiting room for 2 hours with my husband and mother in law. I was the first one in the recovery room to see Tyler still unconscious and quiet. I held his hand as he woke up and prayed over him constantly. I sat in his hospital room in tears of confusion waiting to hear if we would be air lifted to Edmonton. I heard the doctors say "successful procedure" and tell me we could go home for a few days before the open heart surgery in Edmonton. I prayed desperate prayers alongside my husband that we would survive this. One year ago today I placed Tyler in God's hands promising to be capable of fixing what I could not.

Followup

Before Tyler was born, I remember writing on my blog that I was getting frustrated with people telling me that I may be excited about having a baby, but to just wait...it'll be hard. It won't be as much fun as I think it will be.

Now that I have been a mom for a whole year, which I'd say pretty much makes me an expert (in ALL things, actually. I'm so ready to say "because I am your mother and I said so), I have realized this:
I have found joy in pretty close to every single part of parenthood thus far. I have had the poop explosions, the up all nights because of sickness, the temper tantrums, the bumps and bruises, and even the heart surgery. So basically what I'm saying is I've seen it all and done it all and can handle everything. (Oh calm down, I'm just kidding).

What I'm actually saying is that amidst everything I expected to be (and can be) hard, I have found such a profound joy. Profound. Like, wells up from my toes and bursts through the top of my head, joy. Knowing that I was made for this. I've known for years that while I have many good life goals, my one to be a mom was my most dearest desire. The feeling of having one's passion and desires fulfilled is...shall I say it again? Yep. Profound. JOY! Had to get that in one more time.

Alright, enough sap. Off to start my day.

Like water on rock

One of my passions in life is to lead worship. I've been given the freedom and opportunity to lead about once a month at our home church and I look forward to it every time. This week is my week again and I'm finding myself struggling and figured that I may as well blog about it because I think better when I'm talking/writing.

Not only do I have a passion for music, I have the passion to lead people in a meaningful way of connecting with Jesus. My desire is to provide new and inspiring ways for people to close their eyes, open their mouths, and express themselves and their love in worship. One thing I struggle with from time to time is something that I'm also very proud of - the fact that I'm a mennonite. In a mennonite church. As in, not pentecostal. My role as a worship leader in this church is to bring people ways in which to worship that they are able to connect with, but ALSO, I believe, to bring them new ways in which to praise. My mentor likened it to water dripping on stone - I can't just dump water on a rock all at once and expect it to be shaped. However after careful placement and patience, time will pass and a new pathway will be formed in the rock from dilligent dripping.

I'm planning my set for this sunday and desperately want to do something different. To lead people just a little bit down a path we don't often explore. Just a safe distance so that we can still see the main road, but appreciate the view from the foot path. However my prayer is that I see closed eyes and not blank faces. That I see raised hands and not folded arms. It is my responsibility to lead people in worship, not just to play music and hope they like it. It is so not easy.

Yeah I still don't know what this Sunday is going to look like. I dont' know if it will be played safe or played explorative. What do you love about the worship in your churches? What do you wish you could see done differently? What could I do differently?

Next big thing

Okay so I've done the whole getting married thing...we tackled the whole having a kid thing...so then we thought: Why not do the whole building a house thing?

And thus begins our newest challenge.

We finally nailed down a floor plan we liked today, but this was not easy. I kind of pulled the whole "put a blindfold on, spin around three times, and whoever my finger points to afterwards is who we will go with for a drafting person". I don't recomend this process. It has been interesting to say the least. We asked for a house to be designed around 1250 sq feet. Today we met with the drafting team to see what they had come up with. After Mitch and I peeled ourselves off of the ceiling after seeing the 1700 SQUARE FOOT HOUSE they had put together for us, we had to start negotiating as the whole process had to be started over. It was a long hour as they thought that what they should be charging us was *ahem* slightly different than what we thought, we did come to an agreement. I'm pretty sure we walked away happier than they did...but I wasn't the one who decided that a few hundred square feet wasn't going to make that much of a difference.

Anyway...long story short, we now have a house plan being designed that we very specifically nailed down with then and can begin our building process very soon. I am increidbly nervous, rediculously stressed, and very VERY excited. If you ever have a few seconds of room in your evening prayers...we'd love to reserve a spot.

One Year!

One year ago today I fell in love with the most beautiful baby boy I have ever seen. Tyler has changed my life in ways I could never have imagined and I thank God for him every single day. I would love to sum up this year in a beautiful eloquent way, but this is the best I got:

I love being a mom. I love my boy. I love seeing my husband become the most wonderful father. I cannot wait for this next year as this first one has blessed my socks off.

Expanding

...expanding the TOPIC, not me. Just to be clear.

I'm still processing a lot of what I wrote about last. I recently borrowed an exercise video from a friend, and believe it or not, have actually been following it pretty religously. For me to follow through on any sort of exercise regime for longer than a week is a pretty big victory and it's been a month! Good thing I have mexico to motivate me.

Anyway, yesterday was a day where Tyler refused to nap which means I wasn't able to find some quiet time to do my workout. I finally resigned myself to working out with Tyler next to me. Between him trying to grab my soup cans I was using as weights ever time they came near him and VERY quickly figuring out that I was busy and he could therefore get into things he's not supposed to without immediate repercussions, it was somewhat a failed attempt. My abs got half a workout and my living room got completely redecorated.

I think many of the people who wander across my blog are new(ish) moms and I'm sure you would all agree - the pressure to look good post baby is huge. Fitting into that pair of post pregnancy jeans is proclaimed over facebook triumphantly the MINUTE you can get the button done up...and then are taken off as soon as you let your breath out. I'm definitely realizing something though...not losing baby weight is NOT an indication of being a lazy mom. Like, not at all. I would say it's rather an indication of a busy mom. I run after Tyler all day. If he doesn't get a nap, I don't get my workout. I actually find myself getting frustrated if he doesnt' give me that me time because I gotta look good! STUUUPID. Sorry, but it is. My number one priority should be my son, not my son's nap time.

Now I'm not saying that I'm going to stop working out because I still think it's important. But if I don't have time one day because Tyler needs me to be with him while is busy not napping, I will gladly do that. I've read so many articles that are like "Moms! take time for yourself! Your kids can wait!" I don't think I want to think that way. Just like I want to live a life of moderation, I also want to live a life of balance. And if that means that I just don't get to work out one day or I regress in weight every now and then but yet my child is happy and fully loved, so be it. I'm still going to work at looking and feeling good, but not at the expense of time with my kids.

But. Truthfully most of this came out of my fingers without me knowing I thought these things. What do YOU think?

Choices

Just so you know, this is a fairly open and transparent post, and is written mostly for myself. Consider yourself warned.

Having a baby does funny things to both your body and your mind. My satisfaction with my physical appearance has become based on entirely different things post baby than it was before. Getting right into the honesty part of this post, I have always prided myself on having a flat stomach. Now that I've had a baby, I pride myself on having a stomach that doesn't hang down to my knees. I used to pride myself on having control over what I ate. I now am proud of myself if I only have ONE scoop of ice cream with rolo chocolate sauce on it. You get what I'm saying.
Now, I am actually quite proud of myself for the weight I've been able to bring myself back to after Tyler. I fit a size of jeans I've never fit before and I generally feel good. However, now that I'm done nursing and the 500 calorie loss every day is gone (just need to pause here for a moment to grieve that significant loss...)

...

and ALSO because we booked a trip to mexico in a few months, it's time to get back on that 'watch what I eat and what I do' regime.

But here's my qustion: Do I have to choose between loving pizza and loving myself?

I've decided not. I want to live my life in a way that I can enjoy everything about it. I want to sit down and feel completely guilt free while I eat homemade pizza (made by my culinarily inspired husband, CAN you believe it). I dont' want to look back on life and miss out on the bliss of enjoying good food and say "well, at least I'm skinny". Yahoo. Skinny and HUNGRY.

That being said, I also want to take care of myself. I want to excersize three times a week. I want to take advantage of my personal trainer sister in law. I want to be in shape and feel great. I want to live a life of moderation. I want to be like my mom and have my kids come home at the end of the day knowing that they are going to be provided healthy meals every night, and also indulge in huge fresh cinnamon buns every now and then. I want to go for walks on every single nice day, and probably eat an ice cream cone while walking.

This is no New Years resolution, but rather a lifestyle promise. I will love both pizza and myself. I will bring my children up to the best of my ability to also love themselves and appreciate the goodness of life. I will learn to make asaparagus taste good, and I will learn to bake a killer apple pie.

Yep, that sounds good.

Do what you love and love what you do.

My job. Oh, how I love my job. I did not know it was possible to love working as much as I do. Yesterday I sat on the floor in front of a filing cabinet writing out file lables for the 2011 finanical year and felt a deep sense of satisfaction and fulfillment. Not because of the file folders or the finances or any of that...but I just have the wonderful feeling of knowing that I am exatly where I'm supposed to be. The jobs I've had in the past have contributed so much to what I need to know for this one, and I LOVE the fact that while there is still a learning curve, I feel equipped to handle it.

I visit with camper's parents on the phone about issues and hear about how their kids can't wait to come to camp. I get to brainstorm camp ideas with the other people in my office and hear about ministry ideas all day long. I get to keep track of camper registration and watch with satisfaction as our camps fill up and think forward to our summers where kids' lives will be changed forever. I get to hear the passion in the voices of those in leadership and those applying to serve.

I love my job.

Being in camp ministry for so many years, I was always on the front end of ministry as a counsellor. Now I get to take on a new roll and work behind the scenes and watch and participate from a new perspective. It is SO good. Oh camp ministry, how I have missed you.

Lukewarm Coffee

I got up at 7am today, but not because I have to go to work. I got up at 7 because if I sleep until Tyler wakes up, I get zero alone time. Does that make me sound like a horrible mother? Let me explain.

Tyler no longer naps. Well...he may go down ONCE for about 30 minutes, but that's it. He sleeps wonderfully at night - goes to bed at 6:30pm and sleeps until between 8am and 9am and I really can't complain about that. However, like I said, he does not nap. Tyler has also learned how to get into absolutely everything. He climbs and pulls things down and tears and crumples and pushes and explores and does everything a curious little almost 11 month old boy should do. But then he does not nap.

I think most moms will agree, naps are like a breath of sanity. A way to put your child down, walk away, and come back a time later when all is renewed, kiss their sweet faces, hold the little hands that are reaching for you from the crib, and start all over again with fresh perspective on this little one that you love. With no naps, I'm finding that I need to be a little bit more creative on the whole 'fresh perspective' thing. I should note: please hear no cynicism, sarcasm, or unhappiness here. I am not complaining, but rather processing. With each stage in a child's life, there comes new joys and new challenges. My challenge right now is to stay in good spirits with my boy all day long while he explores this little world of his. My joys are much larger than this challenge however: voluntary kisses, dancing (or bouncing) to music, little hands climbing my leg to be held, bright BRIGHT smiles, and laughter when I do the dumbest things.

So I get up at 7. I drink my lukewarm coffee (made at 5am when mitch gets up for work, but I dare not warm it up in the microwave, lest I wake my son), I do things like blog or read a book, and enjoy the quiet for just a little while. And when I hear those sounds from the room down the hall of awakening (which, these days, are less like coos and more like growls and roaring) I will GLADLY go pick up my sweet boy and start another day. Another day made just a little better by my quiet 'alone time' morning.

Try, try again.

I have a lot of posts saved in drafts on my blog...though I just can't seem to post them. But after writing a bunch today, I figured I should probably post at least ONE public one.

Update on Tyler: Things are awesome. His doctor said that we have nothing to worry about, in fact, his scar tissue has shrunk. Praise God. He is healthy and his pulses are strong. They said that his valves do leak a bit, but it's more common for kids with this surgery to have leaky valves than not, so we are okay with it.

Update on me: I'm doing great. Work is going wonderfully, and I feel so blessed. I also feel a little strange because my brain seems to have switched back to its' ON position again and now I have to think! Such a strange feeling, this thinking thing. I have great co workers, a boss who appreciates the value of Starbucks, and enough time to appreciate both work and home during the week. I know I just said it, but I'll say it again - I feel SO BLESSED.

So that's all you get for now...along with this whole 'brain being turned back on again' thing, I have a lot on my mind. We'll see where it goes.

Our Troubled Heart

Tyler is going in for his next cardiology appointment in 10 days and I'll admit I'm really nervous. At the last visit our cardiologist told us that because he's got a kink in one of the arteries that were moved, there is the possibility of that area forming scar tissue. Accoring to him, it's not uncommon for this to happen and would most likely result in Tyler having to have another procedure, whether it's a simple cardiac catheter (his first procedure that he had done before) or actually having to go back into his chest. I do not do well with maybes and whatifs, especially when it comes to the health and safety of my son. The result of this appointment will be likely to tell us if he is either scartissue free and we don't have to worry, or that tissue has formed and we need to begin preparing for whatever that means.

Truthfully I don't feel the capacity to pray for this, which is why I'm blogging about it. I actually don't really like talking about it at all. I would like to ask you to pray for us again as I just don't know to pray for it myself. I don't even really want to acknowledge the possibility of anything else being wrong, which I think is why I'm feeling unable to pray. Again, it could be quite possible that Tyler remains 100% and there will be nothing to worry about. That is what we hope. Please pray for that. No more surgery, no more procedures. We do have Tyler's football career to concentrate on, afterall...

Morning Reflecting

So my first day of work is done! I actually had a great day, and I'm so excited for the future at this place. Camp Ministry. So good. I was kept busy all day which was great because it meant that I didn't have time to think about the fact that I was without my baby all day. However as I walked up our walkway to the house and saw Mitch and Tyler waiting in the window for me, Tyler bouncing up and down with glee to see me, I cried.

I thought about it a lot last night, trying to balance my perspective on becoming a part time working mom. On one hand I could look at it this way: I have to spend 2.5 days a week away from Tyler, possibly missing important things, trusting others to care for him, and only getting a few precious hours in those evenings to spend time with him. However, I'm choosing to see this new life in a different way: I have found a job that I know I will both love and feel fulfilled in, and that I can also work part time in, allowing me to spend 4.5 WONDERFUL days at home with my son. I get to help bring in part of our income so we are able to maintain the lifestyle that we enjoy, and I am able to get out of the house every now and then for some sanity time. And on those days when I'm gone, I have incredible family and a wonderful husband to care for Tyler WELL.
So. That's what I've been processing. I know that I knew this all beforehand, but it always changes when it is actually happening instead of just being thought about. This morning I got up early to get ready, enjoy breakfast, and drink my coffee...and if Tyler doesn't wake up soon I may just have to go in there and do it for him to say hello before Aunty Holly gets here.

On the brink

I alluded to this a bit in a previous post, but this past week and a half with Mitch at home with us was truly a blessing. First of all, he is SUCH an amazing dad and I love watching him with Tyler. I remember being pregnant and telling friends that one of the things I was most excited for was to see Mitch as a dad, and I have not been disappointed...actually he has exceeded every expectation and hope. It does such wonderful things to my heart to be loved by him and also to watch him love our son. We settled into such nice routines this week, such as bringing Tyler into bed with us in the mornings to play, drinking coffee together, staying up late and watching movies by the light of the christmas tree, playing with Tyler and all his new toys together on the floor, and so many more wonderful things.

Today however Tyler and I got up alone...as soon as I picked him up out of his crib he immediately turned towards the door because he's now so used to hearing his daddy call his name from our room. But life is now back to "normal" and there is no fun morning family time. sigh. The tree came down today, Tyler is refusing to nap, I'm feeling the guilt of too eating too much Christmas baking, and life moves on. Today is melancholy, but tomorrow will be bright.

Tomorrow I get to expand my horizons and head off with no baby in the back seat to the city to start my new job. Mitch gets to have HIS morning time with Tyler and enjoy the small things that come with parenting at home all day. I'm so ready to jump into this new stage. Now. Off to pick up my yelling boy who, at 3pm, has still not napped today.