It's ok?

Learning lots about forgiveness from my two year old this week.

It started when he broke a vase.  He, after being told not to, threw a kids chair at a large ceramic vase I had sitting beside our tv.  It shattered as it hit the floor, and I did my best not to over react.  I asked Tyler to say sorry to me for breaking the vase because it had happened as a result of him not listening.  He dutifully said that he was sorry to me, and I responded with "it's ok".  Tyler heard this and repeated "yeah.  It's ok that I broke your vase mommy."

Hm. Not what I meant, but exactly what those words would mean to a two year old.

After this event and a few others where Tyler responded very similarly, Mitch and I decided that a better response to an apology is the obvious one - I forgive you.  Have you tried actually saying this after an apology?  Especially after somewhat glib ones?  Saying "I forgive you" means that you should mean and feel forgiveness.  I find it's also a hard phrase to hear.  Hearing someone respond with forgiveness means you've actually done something that warranted that forgiveness.  Saying "it's ok" feels like a much easier thing both to say and hear.  It's more of a brush off.

So that's been our challenge this week.  I'm trying to take it to heart in my marriage and other relationships as well.  Pondering what it means both to forgive, and also to ask for forgiveness.  Not to brush off what is hurtful but to deal with it in my heart and with others and be able to move on.

If only my Tyler knew the things he teaches me.