This morning while Tyler and I were having lunch, they left the house and had the garage door opened for a bit. Inside I noticed a calendar of a mostly naked women. Cue rant.
Here's the thing. I suppose you could argue with me and tell me it's not a big deal - a man's garage is his domain, his place to decorate how he chooses. And as I type this, please don't hear me attacking just this one guy. It's a much larger issue, and he just happens to be the lighting rod. I know nothing about him...I'm sure he's a great guy. I just hate the picture. I hate the fact that society says it's ok to enjoy looking at other women's bodies - even while committed to a wife. I'm struggling a lot with my body looking much different after two boys than it did before, and this gets me right revved up. If my husband had a picture hanging up in that garage here's what it would say to me: "I wish she looked like this". Or, "because she doesn't look like this, I'll look at it instead". Hello, compounding insecurities.
Women aren't perfect in this either. I've heard even non-smutty romance novels being called porn for women because it creates an ideal in our heads about what the perfect man would do. We get this picture in our minds and are disappointed every time our husband doesn't live up to it. It's not a physical picture of a naked woman, but I think it can be equally hurtful or detrimental.
So what do you love about your spouse? This is not about what you want to change - just what you appreciate. Hang that picture in your garage. Keep it in your wallet. Entertain thoughts about it during the day. Love is not about trying to attain perfection in the other person but about enjoying who they are right now.
Ooooo cue my rant!
ReplyDeleteI was at work the other night (my job at the gym, NOT at the Bible College...that's important to clarify here) and my coworker's sister came in. She had just been doing some Christmas shopping on behalf of both of them and pulled out one of the gifts for their father: a Maxim calendar. OK first of all, I can not even fathom buying something like that for my father. A) He would never even contemplate hanging something like that up or owning it for that matter. And B) EW. But my coworker explained to me that for as long as she can remember, her dad had one of these hanging in his shop. And every month when it was time to flip to a new picture, he would tell her "Oh that's one of my ex-girlfriends!" And as a child, she of course believed him. She and her sister didn't seem to think that this was in any way a big deal. And it was all I could do to keep my mouth shut. Never mind the feminist in me, I just couldn't believe that this father had exposed his 3 daughters to this kind of soft-core porn at such a young age. And my heart breaks that they grew up knowing that those bodies were what men like their beloved daddy liked.
I succeeded in keeping my mouth shut, but only just barely.