On Parenting and Guilt

I read another one of those huffington post articles today about a perspective shift on parenting, this one particularly on never telling our kids to hurry up. I'm not going to lie, it made me mad. I've read many and even re posted a few of these articles over the last while and I will admit that some do make good points- I have intentionally put my phone down while playing with my kids and I have stopped being so cautious while they're on the playground, etc etc (you'll know what I'm talking about if you've read these articles too) but I had an interesting conversation with my mom a few weeks ago that's really been causing a shift in my thinking. 

Last month I felt like I burnt out on parenting. I was exhausted. I didn't find joy in the little things about my kids. I was quick to anger and often asked Mitch to just deal with it all. I hated feeling like that but I couldn't shake it. It's not that my kids are awful (they're not) or that I was too busy (I wasn't). I was completely overcome with guilt. It was a really dark place. And I hadn't even specifically DONE anything. I was exhausted because every move I made with my kids or decision I made for them had me second guessing if I was doing the right thing. Are they going to hate me 20 years from now because they'll hold against me ways I choose to parent today? Are they too rough or too shy or too picky because I don't stand my ground or push them to play dates or...you know. On and on. 

I talked about it with my mom - a most wonderful and wise woman. She let me talk through what I was feeling and gave good perspective. She commented that it must be hard to raise kids in this day and age where there is so much sharing through technology that there are always new parenting methods and opinions being shared. For every one choice we make, assuming its in the best interest for our kids, there are three voices telling us we're wrong, possibly harmfully, and to shift perspectives.  

There was more said, but what it boiled down to for me is that I need to be carful how much I allow blogs, news articles, etc to affect my decision making. I am not talking about going ostrich and burying my head in oblivion. But good grief. I am most certainly not vowing to never say "hurry up" to my kids. If I let Tyler crack his own eggs in his breakfast before I leave for work in the morning I'd be in a world of mess and I would never ever get to work on time. Which IS important. He will not suffer emotional trauma because some mornings he cant help with breakfast prep. Not rushing your kids unnecessarily is wise. But moderation please. Don't go feeling guilty when you need your dawdling three year old to pick up their feet because kids are kids. They need direction as well as time. Do remember to slow down, but my goodness. Can you imagine what a day would be like if you allowed your toddler to inspect every. single. thing. that drew their attention? 

You are a good parent. Love your kids. Tell them that. Make parenting decisions you trust are in their best interest. Take advice from friends. Ask questions. But if you struggle with second guessing like I did (and sometimes still do), learn to take a deep breath and trust yourself - and your spouse, I should mention. Talk things through and decide together. And holy crap. Don't let yourself get guilted into or out of every new piece of parenting perspective. Look at how many times the pendulum swings...