Finding My Identity

One of the things I love about blogging is that it allows me to process as I write. I often won't realize I think or believe something until I've spoken or typed it, so maybe my post today will help me out :)

I have seriously surprised myself with my mindset of being a stay at home mom. Let me say first that I absolutely LOVE it. These days with Tyler are such a gift and I would not trade them for anything. However I can't figure out why I keep dreaming about work (literally...almost every night). I hear bits and pieces from co workers about how things are going in my absence and every now and then I yearn to be there. WHAT?. For so many years this has been my dream - staying home and raising our child. How on earth could I even think about missing work?

This is not a fleeting question...I've actually been quite bothered by this in the last few weeks. I was talking to my mom about this the other day and she (being the wise woman she is) commented that I'm quite likely struggling to figure out my new identity right now. This made sense to me. Being a stay at home mom has no real concrete parameters. You could say that every day you should be able to say that
-Baby is fed, slept, and happy
-House is clean, supper ready for when mitch gets home
-Inspirational book has been read
-Walk has been taken, baby weight lost
Doesn't that sound nice? However I'm quickly learning that NOTHING is a given. Of all those things on the list, the only thing I can say I've accomplished consistently on a day to day basis is "baby is fed". You just never know what each day will bring. At work I knew close to exactly what to expect every day, and had become quite task oriented. I enjoyed the feeling of finishing a project before moving on to the next one. I liked having strong lines outlining what I was supposed to do every day.

This is NOT to say that I'm not enjoying my days, but rather I'm just not quite sure what to do with myself and my own expectations yet. I need to start asking myself the question of 'what do I need today to feel accomplished?" This is important to me.

I think that today I will feel accomplished if I can sit here and enjoy my son's smiles for as long as he wants to give them to me. And I think I'll eat a banana.