Rare sighting

Tyler has decided that naps are for suckers. Normally if it comes down to a fight I end up as the winner, but not the last few days! He normally has a 2-3 hour nap every afternoon (not to mention a few snoozes in the morning and evening). Yesterday he refuuuuused to sleep all afternoon and screamed at me through all of my efforts. Today began the same way. I now know the secret behind post-pregnancy weight loss: kids who wont' go to sleep! I bounced and rocked until my arms almost fell off but to no avail. Finally I had to put him down for a bit because we were both frustrated with each other. I set Ty down on the middle of my bed and left the room. Sure enough, he calmed right down and became surprisingly happy. After awhile I peeked my head in after the cooing and giggles had stopped and saw this:





...awwwwwwwww. He slept like this for about 20 minutes before waking himself up, but it was a relished 20 minutes.

Challenged

We have been blessed with a FANTASTIC preacher in our church. Do you ever have those moments where your soul feels like it's just been filled to the brim? I feel like that every time he preaches.

Yesterday I came away from church feeling thouroughly challenged in my life. I won't give you all the details of what he said because I think what I ended up taking from the sermon wasn't really the main point, but here's what I came away with:

I need to change my perspective. Why am I angry with God for Tyler's torticollis? I need to stop seeing things in the negative. Instead of asking the question of why God allowed 'yet another thing to be wrong', I need to be lifiting praise to the fact that Tyler is here to deal with these things. Life is not perfect, nor is it going to be without hardships. God kept Tyler on this earth to live to see those things. His life is not going to forever be without problems, but he is here. I will pray every day that he will grow up to love his Creator and Sustainer as his dad and I do. My prayer is that as he grows he will be able to praise God with his own mouth and say the words that run through my mind almost daily:

All of my life, in every season, you are still God; I have a reason to sing...I have a reason to worship.

One day at a time

I took Tyler to his first chiropractor appointment yesterday to get his Tortocollis further assessed, and hopefully begin the road to fixing this thing. I thought things were going well as he was assessed as the chiropractor kept telling me things like "oh, this looks good", and "it's not in his lower back, that's awesome" and "this is actually really straight!" So I was feeling quite optimistic until the end of the appointment where she finished by saying "Tyler's case is actually quite severe..."

*Insert profanities here*

I guess we haven't done anything else halfway...why start now? We are now going to have to go back to her TWICE a week as well as physio and home stretching. Does anyone else find it baffling that while Tyler has spent endless amounts of time in the company of doctors, no one noticed this? Medical profession dropping the ball, round two.

I asked my friend a question yesterday...I know that God knit Tyler together in the womb, but what the heck was he doing? Maybe I'm contradicting my last post when I said I wasn't angry at God. I think I am a little bit. I'd just like to know why all of this is going on. Like I said before, I know that this condition isn't life threatening, but it doesn't make me any less frustrated or confused. I'm not sure why, but I'm having so much more of a hard time with this than I did with the heart surgery.

I have so many other things running through my head but I don't know how to say it all. I just don't understand any of this.

Fissures

Torticollis confirmed.

The doctor is trying to get us into physio at the hospital, but she was not optimistic about how long it would take. I talked to a few people with experience/knowledge in this area and they suggested trying a chiropractor first, so we're taking Tyler in tomorrow to try it out.

I have no idea how serious or not Tyler's state is so I'm trying hard not to get worked up until I know something more concrete.

I have nowhere to vent my frustrations. I have no anger towards Tyler as he has done nothing but be the sweetest boy in the whole world. Mitch is a wonderful dad who cares for him and me. The doctors would be my main lightning rod, but really...the system is the system. There's nothing I can do about them not noticing it. You know, something about them being busy noticing his heart condition??
I know this isn't my fault so it does no good being frustrated inwards. God is faithful and good and does not deserve my anger. But I am angry. I feel it spilling through cracks in my life as steam finds it's way through fissures around a volcano. I have this intense need to protect Tyler and am being shown yet again that I really am not in control whatsoever. Trust trust trust. Okay fine. I trust that God will care for Tyler and hold us together. But why do we need to be put in this position again? Did I not learn my lesson the first time? Is this about me?

Torticollis is not that big of a deal and I know that. I know of a few babies who have had it and are totally fine now. It's just that it's one more thing to gear up for. More appointments, more time spent trying to fix/adjust Tyler's little body.

I get annoyed when people fish for things like compliments, but at this point in time I could use your encouragement so I'll just say that straight out. Any words of encouragement would be appreciated. I don't care if I know you or not. Words held us up so much before, and I need it again.

Defeated

I realize that one should never expect raising a child to be easy. There will be late nights and explosive poop. There will be screaming fits and scraped knees. There will be messes and laundry and puke over all my nice clothes. These things I can deal with and prepare for. I did not plan for heart surgery, but we survived it.

I was kind of hoping for a little bit of a lull in the excitement of our lives, but it's looking like we're not going to get that. All signs are pointing to Tyler having Torticollis. This means that the neck muscles on one side are shortened so his head is always held on a tilt. We have a doctor's appointment to confirm this, but he's also got a lump on his neck which is a telltale sign of this condition. If I'm right, it's going to mean months of physio and stretching his neck multiple times a day. Apparently it should have been caught between the ages of 2-3 months, which it was not. Now he is 4 month old, and in severe cases (about 15% of them) surgery is needed to correct the damage.

So...yeah. What the heck? I don't really know what to think now. So many babies are born and grow up without a hitch larger than a scraped knee or a broken bone. Does Tyler really have to deal with yet something else? This means more x-rays, more testing, and more uncomfortable procedures. I'd like this to all end, please. No more frustrations for my child.

Sunny days

Know what I'm doing right now? Sitting on my deck! It has been at least four minutes and I haven't had a single mosquito bite yet. What a great four minutes.

Just got back from getting Tyler his first vaccinations. First, you might ask? Aren't you a little late on those? Yes...yes I am. He's almost four months old now and was supposed to have them when he was two months old. I just couldn't bring myself to take him in. So today we took a deep breath, drove down to the civic center, and the whole way there (all 3 minutes of driving) I told myself "Josie, you can do this. It's not like YOU'RE getting a needle...just Tyler. All you have to do is be strong for him. No problem". So you can imagine my great delight when some of the first words out of the nurses' mouth were "So there has been an outbreak of whooping cough and so it's a good idea if the moms get a vaccine as well". Okay hold on, lady. I was not prepared for this. I need at least 24 hours notice before I allow needles into my body, not to mention one strong as a rock husband to hold my hand so I don't pass out and lots of ice cream afterwards to calm me down. I have none of those things today.

Did I say these things? Nope. I cooly, calmly, and collectedly told Tyler that this would hurt me more than him (and actually meant it), took my needle first without a single flinch, and then proceeded to bawl as he got his. Yessir, this is evidence that my priorities have definitely shifted. I can take a needle like NOBODY'S business now. But hurt my child...hoo boy. Good thing the lady was nice and also told me her dad grew up in Coaldale. Mennonite connections bonded us.

Okay my neighbor is cranking Eminem. Is it weird that I like it?
Back to reality, OOPS there goes gravity.

These are a few of my favorite things...

Favorite Thing #1: Having some randomly stop by and drop me off a Starbucks caramel macchiato.
Favorite Thing #2: Having some randomly stop by and drop me off cupcakes.
Favorite Thing #3: Having wonderful people in my life who do such things :)