Before Tyler was born, I remember writing on my blog that I was getting frustrated with people telling me that I may be excited about having a baby, but to just wait...it'll be hard. It won't be as much fun as I think it will be.
Now that I have been a mom for a whole year, which I'd say pretty much makes me an expert (in ALL things, actually. I'm so ready to say "because I am your mother and I said so), I have realized this:
I have found joy in pretty close to every single part of parenthood thus far. I have had the poop explosions, the up all nights because of sickness, the temper tantrums, the bumps and bruises, and even the heart surgery. So basically what I'm saying is I've seen it all and done it all and can handle everything. (Oh calm down, I'm just kidding).
What I'm actually saying is that amidst everything I expected to be (and can be) hard, I have found such a profound joy. Profound. Like, wells up from my toes and bursts through the top of my head, joy. Knowing that I was made for this. I've known for years that while I have many good life goals, my one to be a mom was my most dearest desire. The feeling of having one's passion and desires fulfilled is...shall I say it again? Yep. Profound. JOY! Had to get that in one more time.
Alright, enough sap. Off to start my day.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Like water on rock
One of my passions in life is to lead worship. I've been given the freedom and opportunity to lead about once a month at our home church and I look forward to it every time. This week is my week again and I'm finding myself struggling and figured that I may as well blog about it because I think better when I'm talking/writing.
Not only do I have a passion for music, I have the passion to lead people in a meaningful way of connecting with Jesus. My desire is to provide new and inspiring ways for people to close their eyes, open their mouths, and express themselves and their love in worship. One thing I struggle with from time to time is something that I'm also very proud of - the fact that I'm a mennonite. In a mennonite church. As in, not pentecostal. My role as a worship leader in this church is to bring people ways in which to worship that they are able to connect with, but ALSO, I believe, to bring them new ways in which to praise. My mentor likened it to water dripping on stone - I can't just dump water on a rock all at once and expect it to be shaped. However after careful placement and patience, time will pass and a new pathway will be formed in the rock from dilligent dripping.
I'm planning my set for this sunday and desperately want to do something different. To lead people just a little bit down a path we don't often explore. Just a safe distance so that we can still see the main road, but appreciate the view from the foot path. However my prayer is that I see closed eyes and not blank faces. That I see raised hands and not folded arms. It is my responsibility to lead people in worship, not just to play music and hope they like it. It is so not easy.
Yeah I still don't know what this Sunday is going to look like. I dont' know if it will be played safe or played explorative. What do you love about the worship in your churches? What do you wish you could see done differently? What could I do differently?
Not only do I have a passion for music, I have the passion to lead people in a meaningful way of connecting with Jesus. My desire is to provide new and inspiring ways for people to close their eyes, open their mouths, and express themselves and their love in worship. One thing I struggle with from time to time is something that I'm also very proud of - the fact that I'm a mennonite. In a mennonite church. As in, not pentecostal. My role as a worship leader in this church is to bring people ways in which to worship that they are able to connect with, but ALSO, I believe, to bring them new ways in which to praise. My mentor likened it to water dripping on stone - I can't just dump water on a rock all at once and expect it to be shaped. However after careful placement and patience, time will pass and a new pathway will be formed in the rock from dilligent dripping.
I'm planning my set for this sunday and desperately want to do something different. To lead people just a little bit down a path we don't often explore. Just a safe distance so that we can still see the main road, but appreciate the view from the foot path. However my prayer is that I see closed eyes and not blank faces. That I see raised hands and not folded arms. It is my responsibility to lead people in worship, not just to play music and hope they like it. It is so not easy.
Yeah I still don't know what this Sunday is going to look like. I dont' know if it will be played safe or played explorative. What do you love about the worship in your churches? What do you wish you could see done differently? What could I do differently?
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Next big thing
Okay so I've done the whole getting married thing...we tackled the whole having a kid thing...so then we thought: Why not do the whole building a house thing?
And thus begins our newest challenge.
We finally nailed down a floor plan we liked today, but this was not easy. I kind of pulled the whole "put a blindfold on, spin around three times, and whoever my finger points to afterwards is who we will go with for a drafting person". I don't recomend this process. It has been interesting to say the least. We asked for a house to be designed around 1250 sq feet. Today we met with the drafting team to see what they had come up with. After Mitch and I peeled ourselves off of the ceiling after seeing the 1700 SQUARE FOOT HOUSE they had put together for us, we had to start negotiating as the whole process had to be started over. It was a long hour as they thought that what they should be charging us was *ahem* slightly different than what we thought, we did come to an agreement. I'm pretty sure we walked away happier than they did...but I wasn't the one who decided that a few hundred square feet wasn't going to make that much of a difference.
Anyway...long story short, we now have a house plan being designed that we very specifically nailed down with then and can begin our building process very soon. I am increidbly nervous, rediculously stressed, and very VERY excited. If you ever have a few seconds of room in your evening prayers...we'd love to reserve a spot.
And thus begins our newest challenge.
We finally nailed down a floor plan we liked today, but this was not easy. I kind of pulled the whole "put a blindfold on, spin around three times, and whoever my finger points to afterwards is who we will go with for a drafting person". I don't recomend this process. It has been interesting to say the least. We asked for a house to be designed around 1250 sq feet. Today we met with the drafting team to see what they had come up with. After Mitch and I peeled ourselves off of the ceiling after seeing the 1700 SQUARE FOOT HOUSE they had put together for us, we had to start negotiating as the whole process had to be started over. It was a long hour as they thought that what they should be charging us was *ahem* slightly different than what we thought, we did come to an agreement. I'm pretty sure we walked away happier than they did...but I wasn't the one who decided that a few hundred square feet wasn't going to make that much of a difference.
Anyway...long story short, we now have a house plan being designed that we very specifically nailed down with then and can begin our building process very soon. I am increidbly nervous, rediculously stressed, and very VERY excited. If you ever have a few seconds of room in your evening prayers...we'd love to reserve a spot.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
One Year!
One year ago today I fell in love with the most beautiful baby boy I have ever seen. Tyler has changed my life in ways I could never have imagined and I thank God for him every single day. I would love to sum up this year in a beautiful eloquent way, but this is the best I got:
I love being a mom. I love my boy. I love seeing my husband become the most wonderful father. I cannot wait for this next year as this first one has blessed my socks off.
I love being a mom. I love my boy. I love seeing my husband become the most wonderful father. I cannot wait for this next year as this first one has blessed my socks off.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Expanding
...expanding the TOPIC, not me. Just to be clear.
I'm still processing a lot of what I wrote about last. I recently borrowed an exercise video from a friend, and believe it or not, have actually been following it pretty religously. For me to follow through on any sort of exercise regime for longer than a week is a pretty big victory and it's been a month! Good thing I have mexico to motivate me.
Anyway, yesterday was a day where Tyler refused to nap which means I wasn't able to find some quiet time to do my workout. I finally resigned myself to working out with Tyler next to me. Between him trying to grab my soup cans I was using as weights ever time they came near him and VERY quickly figuring out that I was busy and he could therefore get into things he's not supposed to without immediate repercussions, it was somewhat a failed attempt. My abs got half a workout and my living room got completely redecorated.
I think many of the people who wander across my blog are new(ish) moms and I'm sure you would all agree - the pressure to look good post baby is huge. Fitting into that pair of post pregnancy jeans is proclaimed over facebook triumphantly the MINUTE you can get the button done up...and then are taken off as soon as you let your breath out. I'm definitely realizing something though...not losing baby weight is NOT an indication of being a lazy mom. Like, not at all. I would say it's rather an indication of a busy mom. I run after Tyler all day. If he doesn't get a nap, I don't get my workout. I actually find myself getting frustrated if he doesnt' give me that me time because I gotta look good! STUUUPID. Sorry, but it is. My number one priority should be my son, not my son's nap time.
Now I'm not saying that I'm going to stop working out because I still think it's important. But if I don't have time one day because Tyler needs me to be with him while is busy not napping, I will gladly do that. I've read so many articles that are like "Moms! take time for yourself! Your kids can wait!" I don't think I want to think that way. Just like I want to live a life of moderation, I also want to live a life of balance. And if that means that I just don't get to work out one day or I regress in weight every now and then but yet my child is happy and fully loved, so be it. I'm still going to work at looking and feeling good, but not at the expense of time with my kids.
But. Truthfully most of this came out of my fingers without me knowing I thought these things. What do YOU think?
I'm still processing a lot of what I wrote about last. I recently borrowed an exercise video from a friend, and believe it or not, have actually been following it pretty religously. For me to follow through on any sort of exercise regime for longer than a week is a pretty big victory and it's been a month! Good thing I have mexico to motivate me.
Anyway, yesterday was a day where Tyler refused to nap which means I wasn't able to find some quiet time to do my workout. I finally resigned myself to working out with Tyler next to me. Between him trying to grab my soup cans I was using as weights ever time they came near him and VERY quickly figuring out that I was busy and he could therefore get into things he's not supposed to without immediate repercussions, it was somewhat a failed attempt. My abs got half a workout and my living room got completely redecorated.
I think many of the people who wander across my blog are new(ish) moms and I'm sure you would all agree - the pressure to look good post baby is huge. Fitting into that pair of post pregnancy jeans is proclaimed over facebook triumphantly the MINUTE you can get the button done up...and then are taken off as soon as you let your breath out. I'm definitely realizing something though...not losing baby weight is NOT an indication of being a lazy mom. Like, not at all. I would say it's rather an indication of a busy mom. I run after Tyler all day. If he doesn't get a nap, I don't get my workout. I actually find myself getting frustrated if he doesnt' give me that me time because I gotta look good! STUUUPID. Sorry, but it is. My number one priority should be my son, not my son's nap time.
Now I'm not saying that I'm going to stop working out because I still think it's important. But if I don't have time one day because Tyler needs me to be with him while is busy not napping, I will gladly do that. I've read so many articles that are like "Moms! take time for yourself! Your kids can wait!" I don't think I want to think that way. Just like I want to live a life of moderation, I also want to live a life of balance. And if that means that I just don't get to work out one day or I regress in weight every now and then but yet my child is happy and fully loved, so be it. I'm still going to work at looking and feeling good, but not at the expense of time with my kids.
But. Truthfully most of this came out of my fingers without me knowing I thought these things. What do YOU think?
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Choices
Just so you know, this is a fairly open and transparent post, and is written mostly for myself. Consider yourself warned.
Having a baby does funny things to both your body and your mind. My satisfaction with my physical appearance has become based on entirely different things post baby than it was before. Getting right into the honesty part of this post, I have always prided myself on having a flat stomach. Now that I've had a baby, I pride myself on having a stomach that doesn't hang down to my knees. I used to pride myself on having control over what I ate. I now am proud of myself if I only have ONE scoop of ice cream with rolo chocolate sauce on it. You get what I'm saying.
Now, I am actually quite proud of myself for the weight I've been able to bring myself back to after Tyler. I fit a size of jeans I've never fit before and I generally feel good. However, now that I'm done nursing and the 500 calorie loss every day is gone (just need to pause here for a moment to grieve that significant loss...)
...
and ALSO because we booked a trip to mexico in a few months, it's time to get back on that 'watch what I eat and what I do' regime.
But here's my qustion: Do I have to choose between loving pizza and loving myself?
I've decided not. I want to live my life in a way that I can enjoy everything about it. I want to sit down and feel completely guilt free while I eat homemade pizza (made by my culinarily inspired husband, CAN you believe it). I dont' want to look back on life and miss out on the bliss of enjoying good food and say "well, at least I'm skinny". Yahoo. Skinny and HUNGRY.
That being said, I also want to take care of myself. I want to excersize three times a week. I want to take advantage of my personal trainer sister in law. I want to be in shape and feel great. I want to live a life of moderation. I want to be like my mom and have my kids come home at the end of the day knowing that they are going to be provided healthy meals every night, and also indulge in huge fresh cinnamon buns every now and then. I want to go for walks on every single nice day, and probably eat an ice cream cone while walking.
This is no New Years resolution, but rather a lifestyle promise. I will love both pizza and myself. I will bring my children up to the best of my ability to also love themselves and appreciate the goodness of life. I will learn to make asaparagus taste good, and I will learn to bake a killer apple pie.
Yep, that sounds good.
Having a baby does funny things to both your body and your mind. My satisfaction with my physical appearance has become based on entirely different things post baby than it was before. Getting right into the honesty part of this post, I have always prided myself on having a flat stomach. Now that I've had a baby, I pride myself on having a stomach that doesn't hang down to my knees. I used to pride myself on having control over what I ate. I now am proud of myself if I only have ONE scoop of ice cream with rolo chocolate sauce on it. You get what I'm saying.
Now, I am actually quite proud of myself for the weight I've been able to bring myself back to after Tyler. I fit a size of jeans I've never fit before and I generally feel good. However, now that I'm done nursing and the 500 calorie loss every day is gone (just need to pause here for a moment to grieve that significant loss...)
...
and ALSO because we booked a trip to mexico in a few months, it's time to get back on that 'watch what I eat and what I do' regime.
But here's my qustion: Do I have to choose between loving pizza and loving myself?
I've decided not. I want to live my life in a way that I can enjoy everything about it. I want to sit down and feel completely guilt free while I eat homemade pizza (made by my culinarily inspired husband, CAN you believe it). I dont' want to look back on life and miss out on the bliss of enjoying good food and say "well, at least I'm skinny". Yahoo. Skinny and HUNGRY.
That being said, I also want to take care of myself. I want to excersize three times a week. I want to take advantage of my personal trainer sister in law. I want to be in shape and feel great. I want to live a life of moderation. I want to be like my mom and have my kids come home at the end of the day knowing that they are going to be provided healthy meals every night, and also indulge in huge fresh cinnamon buns every now and then. I want to go for walks on every single nice day, and probably eat an ice cream cone while walking.
This is no New Years resolution, but rather a lifestyle promise. I will love both pizza and myself. I will bring my children up to the best of my ability to also love themselves and appreciate the goodness of life. I will learn to make asaparagus taste good, and I will learn to bake a killer apple pie.
Yep, that sounds good.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Do what you love and love what you do.
My job. Oh, how I love my job. I did not know it was possible to love working as much as I do. Yesterday I sat on the floor in front of a filing cabinet writing out file lables for the 2011 finanical year and felt a deep sense of satisfaction and fulfillment. Not because of the file folders or the finances or any of that...but I just have the wonderful feeling of knowing that I am exatly where I'm supposed to be. The jobs I've had in the past have contributed so much to what I need to know for this one, and I LOVE the fact that while there is still a learning curve, I feel equipped to handle it.
I visit with camper's parents on the phone about issues and hear about how their kids can't wait to come to camp. I get to brainstorm camp ideas with the other people in my office and hear about ministry ideas all day long. I get to keep track of camper registration and watch with satisfaction as our camps fill up and think forward to our summers where kids' lives will be changed forever. I get to hear the passion in the voices of those in leadership and those applying to serve.
I love my job.
Being in camp ministry for so many years, I was always on the front end of ministry as a counsellor. Now I get to take on a new roll and work behind the scenes and watch and participate from a new perspective. It is SO good. Oh camp ministry, how I have missed you.
I visit with camper's parents on the phone about issues and hear about how their kids can't wait to come to camp. I get to brainstorm camp ideas with the other people in my office and hear about ministry ideas all day long. I get to keep track of camper registration and watch with satisfaction as our camps fill up and think forward to our summers where kids' lives will be changed forever. I get to hear the passion in the voices of those in leadership and those applying to serve.
I love my job.
Being in camp ministry for so many years, I was always on the front end of ministry as a counsellor. Now I get to take on a new roll and work behind the scenes and watch and participate from a new perspective. It is SO good. Oh camp ministry, how I have missed you.
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