Forget me nots

-The way Tyler's voice sounded so sad when he said goodnight to Logan and then mentioned to me after: "He didn't say goodnight back to me!"

-The moments when I expect that the quiet in the other room means mischief, and when I peek I find Tyler quietly reading a book.

-The way Tyler leaned over Logan yesterday to move his hand to hold the toy he had just placed on his chest to play with

-Every morning around 6am when Logan will not settle unless he's brought into bed with us for the last hour of sleep.

-The way Mitch always turns towards him when I bring Logan into bed to just...watch.

-"Heyyyyy Logan Logan Logan" as Tyler runs through the house looking for him

-Morning breakfast conversations

-Seeing flashes of Tyler in Logan's eyes at the same time as distinct differences

-The pure pleasure I feel when I refer to them as "my boys".

-Hearing Tyler talk to himself and say "mommy loves me sooooo much!"

On having two

So it's Friday of my first week home alone.  Mitch was able to take one week off work which was such a blessing.  Sunday night of last week I bawled my eyes out (exactly the same scenario as when Tyler was born...) but it's been a really good week on my own.  I'm loving having two.  Especially two boys! It's not even an indifferent "I'm glad we have Logan and he just happens to be a boy"...it's a LOVE of being able to call them "the boys" and hearing Tyler talk about being and having a brother, and hearing my husband refer to his sons.  And watching Logan's squishy face as Tyler vigorously hugs him, and shares his most special and beloved item in the whole world with him - his blanket. Oh blessings.

I love having a newborn and toddler at the same time.  It means I get to chat about everything under the sun with my big guy as we make breakfast together and then pick up my littlest boy and cuddle him as I build blocks with the other hand.  I get the still of the early morning with quiet and curious big blue eyes staring at me after feeding, and then 20 minutes later I get a gleeful good morning and excitement exclaimed "mommy's awake!!" as I climb out of bed.  I get to watch the tenderness of my husband as he lays on the floor next to Logan to make eye contact, and then see the energy he loves to spend as he indulges in Tyler's requests (again and again) "Daddy, hide!"  or "Daddy catch me!" or "Daddy play 'you can't get past me!'".

There have definitely been a few growing pains as our family stretches to include one more member, as a two year old used to being the centre of many people's universe is adjusting to sharing the spotlight, as his parents get used to much less sleep, as I'm still not really able to leave the house with two to do much more than drive, but these things are normal.  Every day is better than the last and I woke up this morning feeling so good.  5 hours of sleep straight between a night feed may have helped, but that's beside the point.

I don't feel like I'm in a hurry to rush anything these days.  The house will get cleaned when I feel up to it.  I will master the art of keeping house, cleaning, cooking, and mothering two eventually.  For now I'm just going to concentrate on mothering two.  On playing with blocks, colouring, feeding, adoring, reading books, and making sure I remember to eat lunch.  Before 2:00.  And loving, loving, loving.

I do.  I just love my life.

New Member

Logan Samuel graced us with his presence on June 4th!  It has been such a wonderful week so far of having Mitch home with me and the boys as we get accustomed to life with two.  I'm pretty nervous to be on my own next week, but both boys have been great so far so hopefully things continue.

Labour was WAY different than with Tyler.  This time around I had woken up around 6am hearing Mitch getting ready for work.  I felt my first contraction after I had woken up but assumed it was false labour as I had the exact same thing happen two days ago.  However when the second contraction came 7 minutes later, I went to tell Mitch that though I wasn't sure, it was possible that our baby was on it's way.  We decided he should go to work anyway as he works close and I was unsure if this was anything.  However, within a very short period my contractions were suddenly 5 minutes apart and I realized that things were moving quickly!  My mom rushed over to watch Tyler,  Mitch came home from work, we called our midwife, and headed to the hospital.  By the time we got there at 7:20 I was having contractions only a minute apart. Logan was born at 9:29am after a fairly easy labour.  I don't mean easy as in painless...I still wanted to die, but at least it was short lived!  He weighed in at 10 pounds 13 ounce.  Seriously.  An almost 11 pound baby!  We knew that they were thinking this baby might be big, but wow.  That's big!  They checked him immediately for diabetes, but thankfully everything was clear.

We were told that there were no hospital rooms available as apparently the beginning of June is the fashionable time for babies to arrive.  I was feeling really good so we opted to just go home.  Some think we're a little nuts for making that decision, but I'm SO glad we did.  We picked up lunch on our way home, were home by just after noon, and spent all my recovery time at home.  If possible, I would do it again that way in a heart beat.  It's so much more relaxing to be in your own home.

Logan is a wonderful baby.  He sleeps wonderfully and is such a little sweetheart.  Tyler has been great too.  There is some definite adjusting going on, but I expect this is normal for any first born.  He he soft and attentive and SO sweet towards Logan and is always interested in what's going on. I love it that we have two boys...raising brothers is going to be so much fun.  We feel SO blessed.

Another day

These days are tough.  I'm 38 weeks today and feeling every single one of those weeks.  I'm so thankful to be home on mat leave now as it allows me to give my full attention to Tyler, but I feel like I'm even sucking at that.  My pelvis is apparently all out of whack so I can't hold him and have to be really careful when I move or it goes all haywire and I can't walk.
Potty training has commenced and I thought we were in the clear...until this weekend when we backslid almost all the way back to the beginning.  I do not like cleaning up pee, but especially don't like doing it while pregnant.  Bending over this many times a day is tricky!  Hm...maybe I'll just start doing one large pee clean a day.  Just watch where you step when you come over.

What I'm really struggling with is that I'm waiting so anxiously for the pregnancy period to be over - but every now and then am reminded that this is actually the easier part...still only having one child, sleeping through the night, leaving the house, etc etc.  I feel like bracing hard.  Batten down the hatches,  here comes more!!

Ok.  I'm excited for our #2.  Thrilled.  Can't wait to see Tyler as a big brother and can't wait to have another baby in our home.  I just...don't feel like I'm coping well with this waiting part.

All right, done complaining.  Life really is good...some days are just hard.

'Preciate it

I had a rather notable encounter the other day.  My midwife appointments are at the hospital (it's where their offices are) and after an appointment one afternoon I was walking back to my car.  It was parked on a side street, and as I was nearing the block it was parked on, a man and woman stepped out of an alleyway and started walking in front of me.  I'm not gonna lie...they didn't look super...'reputable'.  I noticed that almost right away, the lady started turning around and glancing at me.  It was nothing to be scared of, but I'll admit it made me just ever so slightly cautious.  No one likes to be stared at, right?  After at least 4 or 5 glances from the lady, she stepped off the sidewalk, taking the man with her, and stopped walking.  They just stood there staring at me.  I was feeling just a little more nervous at that point, until I overheard their conversation.  The man seemed to be as confused as I was, and asked (not happily) "WHAT are you doing?"  To which the woman replied "we're smoking and she's pregnant!  We shouldn't be smoking in front of her!" and waved at me to pass them.  

I know this is a small little event, but such an appreciated courtesy...and honestly a rare one.  Many thanks to those of you who take the time to take a look around.

On being protective

I took Tyler to the park yesterday...and almost had a heart attack.  I'm quite sure anyone watching me would have thought I had 6 strokes and was stung by a bee and stubbed my toe hard...I gave all the proper facial reactions I would assume comes with each.  Ok, I seriously have taken Tyler to the park before.  Lots of times!  But yesterday was a gorgeous day and he's older and can play on his own and the park was PACKED.  With kids.  Who do things like push my kid down the slide when he's not ready and   throw wood chips in his face and kick him in the head when he's under them and they go across the jungle gym.  And also shout things like "I'm going to KILL YOU" (not AT my son, but close to him), and "oh my GAWD", and other things I really don't want my two year old to pick up.

And all this time I made myself stand to the side.  If Tyler wasn't crying, I wasn't going to interfere.  Hence all the "I'm dying in many ways" faces.

I know.  I KNOW that I'm a protective mom.  Mitch met up with us halfway through and he breezed through the rest of the park experience completely unaffected and unconcerned.  But still.  Experiences like these make me think that I'm going to have to get really gung ho about home schooling because I will never survive public school where I can't control what my child hears, learns, how he's treated, or how he treats others.  I WANT AN OVERREACTIVE BUBBLE!

So I'm not really serious (like...I am, but I'm not going to home school) so how to deal with outside influences?  How do I cope with my need to control nature?  Prayer, prayer, prayer.

Mitch and I have prayed for Tyler every night since before he was born and will continue to do that with him and our other children.  We will cover them with prayer, entrusting them to Jesus.  I will continue to make my stroke faces, because though it's hard, I will make myself stand back while he faces the big world out there.  I will acknowledge the importance of being a light to the darkness, which we cannot do in a bubble.

I don't know where I heard this quote, but somewhere I read that having children is like making your heart walk around unprotected outside of your body.   So true.

Oh (big) baby!

Had a bit of a scare last week...I had an appointment with my midwife who told me that the people from the second ultrasound called and expressed concerns over the fact that baby #2 went from being in the 50th percentile in size at the first ultrasound to the 95th percentile 5 or 6 weeks later when I went in for my second ultrasound. Um...can you say growth spurt?? So the first and main concern when something like that is going on is gestational diabetes. SO not excited about that possibility.

I was pretty stressed all week while waiting for results from that test. The whole 'my first kid went through a lot' may be getting old to hear about, but it's a reality in my life and affects how I process everything. I don't feel like I have much capability to deal with anything being wrong a second time around, even if this situation would be much less serious than the last.

Results are back now and my blood sugar levels are totally normal. Thank God. However, they are still quite curious as to how the baby grew that much in that short amount of time. We're going to talk more about it during my next appointment at the beginning of April. I mean, I know that my pregnancy cravings for noodle bowls have been getting a little out of hand, but that can't be it! Best case scenario is that the ultrasound techs were wrong during one of the ultrasounds...and I don't have a clue what any other outcome could be. Just a big baby? Such would be life, though I'm thinking if they determine it to be that big I may have to go for the epidural this time...