Another day

These days are tough.  I'm 38 weeks today and feeling every single one of those weeks.  I'm so thankful to be home on mat leave now as it allows me to give my full attention to Tyler, but I feel like I'm even sucking at that.  My pelvis is apparently all out of whack so I can't hold him and have to be really careful when I move or it goes all haywire and I can't walk.
Potty training has commenced and I thought we were in the clear...until this weekend when we backslid almost all the way back to the beginning.  I do not like cleaning up pee, but especially don't like doing it while pregnant.  Bending over this many times a day is tricky!  Hm...maybe I'll just start doing one large pee clean a day.  Just watch where you step when you come over.

What I'm really struggling with is that I'm waiting so anxiously for the pregnancy period to be over - but every now and then am reminded that this is actually the easier part...still only having one child, sleeping through the night, leaving the house, etc etc.  I feel like bracing hard.  Batten down the hatches,  here comes more!!

Ok.  I'm excited for our #2.  Thrilled.  Can't wait to see Tyler as a big brother and can't wait to have another baby in our home.  I just...don't feel like I'm coping well with this waiting part.

All right, done complaining.  Life really is good...some days are just hard.

'Preciate it

I had a rather notable encounter the other day.  My midwife appointments are at the hospital (it's where their offices are) and after an appointment one afternoon I was walking back to my car.  It was parked on a side street, and as I was nearing the block it was parked on, a man and woman stepped out of an alleyway and started walking in front of me.  I'm not gonna lie...they didn't look super...'reputable'.  I noticed that almost right away, the lady started turning around and glancing at me.  It was nothing to be scared of, but I'll admit it made me just ever so slightly cautious.  No one likes to be stared at, right?  After at least 4 or 5 glances from the lady, she stepped off the sidewalk, taking the man with her, and stopped walking.  They just stood there staring at me.  I was feeling just a little more nervous at that point, until I overheard their conversation.  The man seemed to be as confused as I was, and asked (not happily) "WHAT are you doing?"  To which the woman replied "we're smoking and she's pregnant!  We shouldn't be smoking in front of her!" and waved at me to pass them.  

I know this is a small little event, but such an appreciated courtesy...and honestly a rare one.  Many thanks to those of you who take the time to take a look around.

On being protective

I took Tyler to the park yesterday...and almost had a heart attack.  I'm quite sure anyone watching me would have thought I had 6 strokes and was stung by a bee and stubbed my toe hard...I gave all the proper facial reactions I would assume comes with each.  Ok, I seriously have taken Tyler to the park before.  Lots of times!  But yesterday was a gorgeous day and he's older and can play on his own and the park was PACKED.  With kids.  Who do things like push my kid down the slide when he's not ready and   throw wood chips in his face and kick him in the head when he's under them and they go across the jungle gym.  And also shout things like "I'm going to KILL YOU" (not AT my son, but close to him), and "oh my GAWD", and other things I really don't want my two year old to pick up.

And all this time I made myself stand to the side.  If Tyler wasn't crying, I wasn't going to interfere.  Hence all the "I'm dying in many ways" faces.

I know.  I KNOW that I'm a protective mom.  Mitch met up with us halfway through and he breezed through the rest of the park experience completely unaffected and unconcerned.  But still.  Experiences like these make me think that I'm going to have to get really gung ho about home schooling because I will never survive public school where I can't control what my child hears, learns, how he's treated, or how he treats others.  I WANT AN OVERREACTIVE BUBBLE!

So I'm not really serious (like...I am, but I'm not going to home school) so how to deal with outside influences?  How do I cope with my need to control nature?  Prayer, prayer, prayer.

Mitch and I have prayed for Tyler every night since before he was born and will continue to do that with him and our other children.  We will cover them with prayer, entrusting them to Jesus.  I will continue to make my stroke faces, because though it's hard, I will make myself stand back while he faces the big world out there.  I will acknowledge the importance of being a light to the darkness, which we cannot do in a bubble.

I don't know where I heard this quote, but somewhere I read that having children is like making your heart walk around unprotected outside of your body.   So true.

Oh (big) baby!

Had a bit of a scare last week...I had an appointment with my midwife who told me that the people from the second ultrasound called and expressed concerns over the fact that baby #2 went from being in the 50th percentile in size at the first ultrasound to the 95th percentile 5 or 6 weeks later when I went in for my second ultrasound. Um...can you say growth spurt?? So the first and main concern when something like that is going on is gestational diabetes. SO not excited about that possibility.

I was pretty stressed all week while waiting for results from that test. The whole 'my first kid went through a lot' may be getting old to hear about, but it's a reality in my life and affects how I process everything. I don't feel like I have much capability to deal with anything being wrong a second time around, even if this situation would be much less serious than the last.

Results are back now and my blood sugar levels are totally normal. Thank God. However, they are still quite curious as to how the baby grew that much in that short amount of time. We're going to talk more about it during my next appointment at the beginning of April. I mean, I know that my pregnancy cravings for noodle bowls have been getting a little out of hand, but that can't be it! Best case scenario is that the ultrasound techs were wrong during one of the ultrasounds...and I don't have a clue what any other outcome could be. Just a big baby? Such would be life, though I'm thinking if they determine it to be that big I may have to go for the epidural this time...

Two

I have always known I wanted kids. We got married young (I was almost 20) and right from the start I pestered Mitch for a baby. I knew that out of the many good things in life, being a mother was going to be at the top of the list.

When I thought about being a mom I thought about the baby stage. I thought about rocking them to sleep, waking up throughout the night, wonderful first smiles, endless cuddles, all those good things. I truthfully didn't think much farther than that. I gave little to no thought to having a two year old.

The baby stage with Tyler was wonderful. He was such a good baby and early parenting was everything I thought it would be.

And then he turned two.

How did I not know this was coming? How was I not prepared?

I. love. having a two year old. Love it. I can't express how much fun we have on a daily basis. We sing and laugh and yell out silly things and hop and read books and then read more books and talk and jump on the bed. Tyler is so smart he blows my mind. I know...every parent is sure their kid is a genius, so I'm dutifully jumping on that wagon, but really. He's amazing. He is a joy to parent, and I promise I'm not just spouting rainbows. He gets out of bed a million times an evening (or used to...we may have turned a corner) refuses to eat certain things, hates napping, and generally is a normal two year old. He is not perfect, nor is he always easy. But...he's just so much fun. I love my son and the goofy sweetheart he's become. I am so so privileged to be his mama.

Never for granted

We had a second ultrasound today...they couldn't get a good view of baby's heart during the first one and to be safe we asked for a second one. Now that we have been introduced to the scary reality that not all infants are born in perfect condition, we wanted to be fully sure that baby #2 had a healthy heart.

Praise the Lord, everything is normal. We really didn't suspect anything different, but it feels good to just know for sure. It feels like when we were first pregnant with Tyler we had the dreamy idea that childbearing would be a perfect experience. Our kid would be cute, sleep well, be healthy, go to college, etc etc. You know that bad things happen, but assume it's to "other people". When we found out Tyler needed surgery it really brought us into a scary place of reality - the knowledge that just because you've already had one hard thing happen doesn't mean you're immune. I feel like we're prepared in such a different way for this child. We have learned how to care for, parent, and love a kid. We've also learned to realize that (yup, gonna say it) shit happens and you move forward. I know that this next baby will have their own gifts and challenges and we'll have to readjust everything we think we know, but it's nice to feel a little more prepared.

Does this all make sense? Maybe not...just processing.

And our kid is CUTE! We could see it's little face and at one point it yawned...oh my heart. Saw the kicks and punches... it's so fun to see the movements that are attached to what I feel on the inside. And how cool is it that I can tell you already that this one has Tyler's nose and mouth...which tells me that it's going to be so. darn. cute. Technology is amazing. The thrill of seeing my baby is fresh and wonderful.

Never Again

...never again will I mock someone for not knowing how to use a computer fully. I promise. We had our laptop die about a month ago and after MUCH deliberation and discussion, we decided to make a larger financial commitment to technology and buy a mac. We are sick of our laptops (yes, there have been two) die on us, or the battery fry or the cord light on fire (true story) or the screen just stop working...etc. So. We bought an iMac. And I have no. idea. how to use it.

It took me five minutes and the usage of google to figure out how to copy and paste something. And I know how to use computers!! Minimizing a screen is stressful to me now because it takes forever for me to find it again. I think I have figured out how to use the mouse now, though I somehow enlarged an entire website to like 200%. That was fun! Downloads are nerve wracking because who KNOWS where things are being downloaded to...

So anyway. Exciting, but interesting.

And total side note...why have I not heard of the Civil Wars until now?? I can't handle how much I love them. They just...ah. I can't explain it. Go listen to "My Father's Father". And then listen to it again.